#96 Why You Feel Like You Have to Do It All
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Always the one holding it all? Over-responsibility can look like leadership—but it’s often a signal of misalignment. Discover how to lead from trust, not control, and reclaim clarity without dropping what matters most.
You’re carrying the meeting, the household, the decision-making, the mood of the room — and you’ve convinced yourself that’s just what good leaders do.
But what if that weight you’re carrying isn’t leadership — it’s misalignment?
In today’s episode, we’re exposing the hidden cost of over-responsibility.
High-capacity humans like you don’t carry too much because they can’t delegate — they carry too much because they’ve built an identity around holding it all together. And the nervous system follows.
Julie Holly shares a personal story of trying to control not just her schedule, but the emotions and energy of those around her. That kind of control doesn’t come from ego — it comes from a nervous system wired for safety and an identity wired for performance.
But there’s another way: one that doesn’t demand silent depletion, but leads from alignment, trust, and clarity.
In this episode, you’ll explore:
- Why over-functioning often feels like the only safe option
- The internal roles we adopt that fuse responsibility with self-worth
- Nervous system symptoms that signal you’re carrying too much
- A clear path back to leadership that doesn’t cost your peace
You’ll also hear a story about Jocko Willink, and how true extreme ownership isn’t doing it all — it’s knowing what to release so your team can rise. (Julie will link a few of his books in the show notes.)
Today’s Micro Recalibration
Ask yourself: “What am I carrying right now that no one asked me to hold?”Then: “What would it look like to lead with trust instead of control in that area?”
Team Extension:
Invite your team to finish this sentence:
If you're tired of holding everything together, this episode will remind you:
You weren’t meant to carry it all. You were meant to lead from identity.
RESOURCES:
Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink
Leadership Strategy and Tactics by Jocko Willink
If this episode gave you language you’ve been missing, please rate and review the show so more high-capacity humans can find it.
Explore Identity-Level Recalibration
→ Follow Julie Holly on LinkedIn for more recalibration insights
→ Schedule a conversation with Julie to see if ILR is a fit for you
→ Download the Misalignment Audit
→ Subscribe to the weekly newsletter
→ Join the waitlist for the next ILR cohort
This isn’t therapy. This isn’t coaching. This is identity recalibration — and it changes everything.
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