What if porn addiction recovery feels painful not because you’re failing—but because the way you’ve been taught to understand addiction is fundamentally flawed?

For many men, trying to quit porn doesn’t feel empowering.
It feels humiliating.
It feels like staring straight at everything you believe is broken, defective, or dangerous about you.

I know this feeling personally—because I lived it for years.

The harder I tried to overcome porn addiction, the worse I felt about myself. Recovery became a reminder of shame instead of a path toward healing. And eventually, it felt easier to numb out than to keep confronting the belief that I was fundamentally flawed.

In this episode of No More Desire, I challenge one of the most destructive ideas in modern porn addiction recovery: that addiction means you are bad, weak, or unworthy.

Because what if porn addiction isn’t proof that something is wrong with you—but evidence that good parts of you were forced into extreme roles?

In this conversation, I break down why shame-based recovery backfires, how porn addiction is deeply tied to self-worth and the nervous system, and why self-judgment keeps men stuck in the very cycle they’re trying to escape.

We explore the psychology and neuroscience behind porn addiction, including how shame dysregulates the nervous system and intensifies cravings, why dopamine-driven behaviors aren’t about pleasure but unmet emotional needs, and how addiction often functions as a misguided attempt at connection, comfort, and significance.

Using a parts-work framework grounded in psychology, I explain how healthy inner parts—like the desire for comfort, adventure, rest, and meaning—can become distorted when they’re suppressed or ignored. Porn addiction, in this light, isn’t about moral failure. It’s about good parts in bad roles.

You’ll also learn why simply getting sober doesn’t automatically heal shame, why many men remain unhappy even after quitting porn, and how waiting to feel “worthy” before living your life keeps addiction relevant.

This episode offers a different path forward—one rooted in self-leadership rather than self-hatred.

If you’re trying to quit porn but feel exhausted, ashamed, or stuck in an inner war, this episode will help you reframe your struggle and begin healing without hating yourself.

Porn addiction recovery without shame isn’t about excusing behavior.
It’s about understanding it deeply enough that real, lasting change becomes possible.

Link to Blog Article for this Episode

If you’re ready to build the mindset and lifestyle that lead to long-term freedom from porn addiction, join the No More Desire free online community and connect with men who are committed to real recovery. When you sign up, you'll gain access to The 4 Pillars of Recovery Online Course FREE. You can also check out my Free Workshop and Free Ebook, designed to help you overcome porn addiction, rewire your brain, and rebuild your life.

Support the show

No More Desire