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The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
Lu par : Alan Downs Ph. D
Durée : 7 h et 14 min
5 out of 5 stars (4 notations)

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Description

The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.

©2005, 2006, 2012 Alan Downs (P)2012 HighBridge Company

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Notations

Global

  • 5 out of 5 stars
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Interprétation

  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
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Histoire

  • 5 out of 5 stars
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Il n'y a pas encore de critique disponible pour ce titre.
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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Matthew Phelps
  • 30/08/2012

Must read for any gay man

Would you listen to The Velvet Rage again? Why?

There was quite a bit of information presented, and I think listening to it again might help me access more of it.

What did you like best about this story?

The inclusion of anecdotes really helped me relate my own life to the issues described in the book.

Which scene was your favorite?

Chapter 14, where he talked about life skills.

If you could give The Velvet Rage a new subtitle, what would it be?

An owner's manual for the gay life.

15 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • JSTAR
  • 19/04/2014

Very Profound for Me

Would you consider the audio edition of The Velvet Rage to be better than the print version?

Yes - I enjoyed Alan Downs reading his own words. There are subtleties in his voice that add significance.

What did you like best about this story?

How much I can relate to the struggle and the potential for growth he offers.

Have you listened to any of Alan Downs’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I haven't. This is the first.

What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?

Probably the first chapters where he discusses shame, its origins and manifestations etc. I'd never though about my own shame in those terms before. Very helpful!

Any additional comments?

Really worth the read, guys.

7 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • E. Durham
  • 02/07/2013

Heartwarming and Informative

Alan's tone and approach is heartwarming with its message of hope. This message is presented without flourish. This made the content less entertaining but far more personal and moving. I am grateful for the wisdom shared and have already begun to share some of it with my friends. I recommend the book to every gay person wishing to understand more about their emotional world and to everyone else for the same reason. A little understanding can only help and this book has much to share.

5 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Jim
  • 25/08/2013

A Great Perspective that Resonates

If you could sum up The Velvet Rage in three words, what would they be?

This book offers a clear perspective on the life of gay men and the challenges we face dealing with the way our lives feel need to be and how they should be. The perspective really resonates with me and made me sit back and think about how much the shame and expectations of gay life impacted and continue to impact me. Worth every minute of listening pleasure.

What was one of the most memorable moments of The Velvet Rage?

One thing - dont pass up that man who may not be perfect because you pass up the chance to meet an amazing person.

What about Alan Downs’s performance did you like?

Very easy to listen to very easy to enjoy.

What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?

Shame impacts everyone.

4 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Corey
  • 05/09/2013

Most moving book I have ever read. A+++

Would you consider the audio edition of The Velvet Rage to be better than the print version?

Haven't read the printed version but ordered it so I could highlight specific portions. Having both wouldn't be a bad idea.

What did you like best about this story?

How closely it related to me.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

YES!!! Although I didn't have the time to I listened as much as possible.

3 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Carl Haley
  • 20/05/2015

So so

Some good ideas. But it feels often like the writer believes all gay men have the same problems. He doesn't seem to think any gay man can grow up without being ashamed.

2 personnes ont trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Doug LaMountain
  • 05/11/2018

Waited 49 years for this.....

Overwhelmed just by the 1st chapter in what my definition of shame is vs the real meaning. I continue to hide my true self even after all these years, I have learned to be me, to be enough, then a new lady friend asked me if I had a girlfriend, I froze....again... yet in my mind I’m saying, “ your have no clue do you” so my true self is me, is Doug,
And I have to remember that what others think of me is none of my business..

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Mike CHESWORTH
  • 08/06/2015

A MUST read for every gay man.

I first read this book after a particularly painful breakup in 2007. I was definitely a solid phase 2. Seven years later I find myself reading this book again nursing another broken heart. This time I found myself teetering on the brink of three. The ending chapters of this book were like a warning showing me exactly what I was doing, as I was beginning to foreclose on authenticity.
Thank you Alan for writing this book!!!

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • RSparks
  • 19/05/2015

Thank You!

I've already recommended this book to some of my friends as well as family members who need guidance and a further insight into the injustice that gay men face in this world.

I highly recommend this book for any gay man. Period.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Brad DeCoursey
  • Brad DeCoursey
  • 12/04/2015

Much Needed Reset

This book provided a catalyst for me to move on in my life and the courage to seek help to do so.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Leo
  • 28/01/2019

Sollte man gelesen oder gehört haben

Das Buch ist zu empfehlen - unabhängig von sexueller Orientierung. Das Buch ist Inspirierend und bewegt die eigene Sicht- und Verhaltensweise zu hinterfragen. Habe das Buch gelesen und als Audiobuch gehört.

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour Viktor
  • Viktor
  • 04/05/2017

finally a serious book. I'm very thankful.

finally a helpful book. to understand and accept oneself and gain strength. for better understanding how and why we behave in a certain way

1 personne a trouvé cela utile

  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    4 out of 5 stars
Image de profile pour samer
  • samer
  • 23/10/2018

very helpful

helped me understand a lot of things about my life that I never even noticed. I recommend this book to everyone, whether straight or gay.

  • Global
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Interprétation
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Histoire
    1 out of 5 stars
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  • lexy199
  • 17/02/2019

Veraltet

Das Buch ist etwas aus der Zeit gefallen. Ich kann mich mit dem im Buch beschriebenen Typus eines schwulen Mannes so gut wie gar nicht identifizieren, ebenso wie ich die meisten meiner schwulen Freunde nicht so sehen würde. Vielleicht trifft es wirklich nur auf schwule Männer jenseits der 40 zu, die es wahrhaftig schwerer hatten als Schwule in der heutigen Zeit.