Couverture de I AM the Love I AM Looking For

I AM the Love I AM Looking For

I AM the Love I AM Looking For

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 Hello and welcome to today’s episode, an important episode. Because, one of the biggest lies we’re taught, and it shows up everywhere, in relationships, in spirituality, even in how we talk about God and that is that love is something we’re supposed to get from outside ourselves.We’re told to go find it. Earn it. Deserve it. Chase it. Fix ourselves enough so someone else will finally give it to us. And after years of contemplating this situation and watching people struggle, I’ve come to a really simple, but sometimes, uncomfortable realization: “I am the love I am looking for.”That sounds almost too simple, doesn’t it? But if you sit with it honestly, it explains a lot. Most of the time when we feel lonely, rejected, unseen, or needy, we assume it’s because someone else isn’t showing up for us the way we want them to. But what if the real issue isn’t that love is missing — it’s that we’re outsourcing it?For me, when I finally stopped waiting for love and acceptance to come from outside me and started practicing being loving toward myself, something remarkable happened. I found that I needed less from other people. And you will find the same. There won’t be the need to grasp for approval. You’ll no longer read into spoken words, or tone or silence. And you will quit trying to pull love out of people who don’t have it to give. And ironically, you’ll find relationships will get healthier and you are much happier.Because here’s the thing that I’ve discovered. People can feel neediness. They may not be able to explain it, but they feel it. And when we’re empty inside, we subtly ask others to fill us — with attention, reassurance, validation, affection. That’s a heavy ask, even when it’s unspoken. So instead of asking, “Why isn’t anyone loving me?” Start asking a better question: “Have I actually filled my own cup first?” “Do I love me?”But if you do feel needy at times, don’t shame myself for it. See it as information. It’s a signal that you’ve been giving out more than you’ve been giving to yourself. So pause. Pull back. Get quiet and do whatever you need to do to refill your own love tank.Sometimes that looks like talking to yourself more kindly instead of mentally beating yourself up, which many of us love to do. Sometimes it means resting instead of pushing. Sometimes it means saying no without explaining. And sometimes it means stopping the inner narrative that says you’re only valuable if you’re useful, needed, or wanted. Learn to treat love like something you maintain, not something you chase.If resentment starts creeping in — toward a partner, or a friend, or even toward life — that’s a huge red flag. Because resentment usually isn’t about the other person. It’s about the fact that you gave from an empty place and expected someone else to make up the difference. And that never works.So make sure your cupboards are full before you show up in the world. Don’t go into conversations emotionally starving. Don’t give love hoping it will be returned. Give because you already have it. And here’s the paradox: when you’re full, you actually receive better love. Not needy love. Not transactional love. But real love. Clean love. Love that isn’t tangled up in expectations.Now, hear me on this. This does not mean you don’t need people. It doesn’t mean you isolate yourself or pretend you’re invincible. Rather, it means you take responsibility for your inner state before asking others to meet you there. And that includes understanding how you experience love.Your love language matters — not so you can demand it from others, but so you can give it to yourself first. If you crave words, speak them to yourself. If you need care, practice it. If you need space, take it. If you need reassurance, learn how to ground yourself instead of outsourcing your worth. Because when you become the love you’re looking for, relationships stop being a search and start being a sharing. You stop chasing. You stop proving. You stop shrinking or performing. And from that place, love finally shows up — not because you needed it, but because you had it and were ready to give it freely.So maybe the real spiritual question isn’t asking, “Who will love me?” Maybe it’s asking, “How can I love myself more fully — today, honestly, without pretending?” Remember, the second greatest commandment that Jesus taught, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” implies you must first love yourself.Try adding this affirmation to your meditations or prayer times. Repeat and feel it often: “I AM the love I AM looking for.”The truth is simple, and it’s powerful:You are not lacking love.You are learning how to become it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nancyshowalter.substack.com/subscribe
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