Results by "Rick Gualtieri" in All categories

My name’s Bill Ryder, and I’m in way over my head. My problems include an egomaniacal goddess, a supernatural war against the Sasquatch clans, and an end-of-the-world prophecy I’m expected to fulfill. That’s a lot to heap on anyone’s plate, much less an undead programmer from Brooklyn.

Watching my friends die was hard. Getting blown up right after was even worse. But that's nothing compared to waking up to the mother I never knew and finding out she's a monster far worse than anything I've faced so far. Now, not only is she trying to set me up with every eligible demon between here and Hades, but she's busy plotting the demise of my best friend Gary—setting us up on a collision course for a battle to the death. All I want is to escape her clutches and get back to my life, but with a supernatural war brewing that might not be possible.

My name’s Bill Ryder and I’m told I have an important destiny. I just didn’t expect it to involve an amnesiac bloodsucker, my old D&D group, and a pregnant witch. Whatever the case, it’s finally time for me to accept the prophecy hanging over my head – stupid as it might be. Ordered to storm the vampire stronghold in Boston, I’ll need to confront an invincible undead warlord. He’s everything I’m not – strong, ruthless, and possessing six-pack abs. Worse, he’s about to unleash a godlike being of unimaginable power.

ITS HARD TO LIVE FOREVER WHEN EVERYONE WANTS YOU DEAD. Get ready to die laughing with the first FOUR novels of the hilarious Tome of Bill series over 1000 pages of epic horror comedy that will leave you thirsting for more. Gamer and programmer Bill Ryder was a normal guy who never once imagined...

My name’s Bill Ryder and, despite being undead, I program games for a living. That means I’m mostly content to stay at home, do my job, and not go on stupid adventures. Or at least that was the case. Now, a war is brewing between ancient enemies from the dawn of time. If it can’t be stopped, the veil will be lifted and all of humanity’s darkest nightmares will be unleashed to wreak havoc. That's where I come in.

My name’s Bill Ryder and my cold dead heart is all aflutter, metaphorically speaking anyway. See, the girl I want is deadly to me. But the girl who wants me is deadly to everyone else. I’m trapped in a lethal love triangle and it’s about to get worse. On the eve of war, The Icon – prophesized slayer of the vampire race – has appeared. Panic is about to break out within the ranks of the undead and I’m caught smack dab in the middle of it. She and I are locked in a cataclysmic collision course with destiny, but there’s one small catch.

My name is Bill Ryder. With Armageddon rapidly approaching you’d think I’d have my priorities straight, but you’d be wrong. Sidelined from action and with too much time on my hands, I’m stuck obsessing about the ladies in my life, lethal as most of them might be. Too bad it’s a distraction I can ill afford. An unstoppable terror from the dawn of time has awoken deep beneath the Earth and it’s headed my way. To make matters worse, I’ve been deemed a traitor by the Draculas, the ruling coven of the vampire nation.

My name’s Bill Ryder and three months ago I was utterly consumed by the evil within me. Now I’m back, having awakened halfway across the globe and with no clue as to how I got here. The only thing I’m certain of is my captors don’t care how much blood they spill so long as they recruit me to their insane cause.

My name is Sally. For over thirty years I’ve stalked the night, a slave to the vampire nation. I’ve walked among you – a wolf in sheep’s clothing – committing countless atrocities in their name. Now, on the eve of Armageddon, I’ve been offered a chance for redemption, however slim. My past has caught up to me, beckoning me back to the city of my rebirth. I’ll need to seek out those responsible for my turning and confront them once and for all. I’m outnumbered and outgunned, but they’re dead wrong if they think I’m outclassed.

My name's Bill Ryder and six months ago I died. However, as you’ve probably already guessed, I didn't stay dead. No, I woke up a vampire, freshly recruited into a coven of immortal assholes. I thought I'd earned a break after defeating our former master, with maybe a tiny bit of help from my friends, but no such luck.

THERE ARE REASONS WE FEAR THE NIGHT. HE'S NOT ONE OF THEM. My names Bill Ryder and I used to enjoy D&D, cold beer, and not getting my ass kicked by monsters. Sadly, that all came to an end the night I met Sally, a blonde bombshell with a sharp wit and even sharper teeth. Now I'm a vampire...

Tamara Bentley thought rescuing her parents from the fairy queen would be enough—that she could go back to college and resume her life. Pity for her that reality has other plans, especially since it's on the verge of collapsing. Demonic entities are destroying the portals linking Earth to the multiverse. When the last one falls, all life as we know it will end. Sadly, with each connection severed, the supernatural beings of our world grow weaker. As their power fades, so too does their chances of stopping this cataclysm once and for all.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, despite being a legendary predator of the night, I’m not having the best of days. My girlfriend is trapped in another dimension, my apartment’s being staked out by werewolves, and to top it all off I’m flat broke. Too bad there’s no rest for the wicked. Monstrous beasts of biblical proportions have been unleashed upon the world, leaving me with a mighty big question. How the hell is one poor-ass vampire supposed to stop something the size of a battleship?

Can the peace of the afterlife compare to the pleasures of the flesh? Lydia Strom has an incredible love life. For her, there are no forbidden desires, fantasies left unexplored, or boundaries that can't be crossed. There's just one small problem. She died three years ago. Somehow her husband has found a way to transcend the barrier between life and death so as to bring her soul back for short periods. Each time Lydia awakens, she's in control of a different body.

For five years, my life has been a living breathing hell - literally. Worst of all, I don't remember any of it. We're not talking some vague blackout here, no, this is full-on comic book levels of amnesia. But now I'm back, only to find the whole world managed to survive without me. Some hero I turned out to be.

Ed Vesser feels trapped by his life - literally. He’s being held prisoner by a would-be world conqueror. All he wants is to escape back to his fiancé, assuming she doesn’t dump his ass when she finds out he’s a vampire. Serena Taylor’s a witch with a knack for technomancy - using her magic to help deliver unreal profit margins. Too bad she’ll need to put in some overtime thanks to long-lost dryads and undead goons breathing down her neck.

My name’s Bill Ryder and, oddly enough, my lack of heartbeat is probably the least concerning thing in my life right now. My witch girlfriend has been marked for death by a vampire temptress who wants me for herself. With both sides spoiling for a fight, the chances of them talking out their problems over tea are slim.

My name’s Bill Ryder and I’m having a hell of a week. Magic is back, my new roommate is a blob of yellow snot, and my friend Sally has been entombed alive in solid rock. Oh, and I’m dead again, or undead anyway. Life’s not quite finished taking a dump on me yet, though, because now something is hunting vampires in New York City. A smarmy-ass wizard has been called in to investigate – one who’s got a closet full of skeletons and eyes for my girlfriend.

My name’s Bill Ryder. Five years ago, I helped banish magic and monsters to the shadows. I thought it was over, that I was finished with all that supernatural crap. Turns out I was dead wrong.

Upon the shores of an ancient sea in a long-forgotten land, the slaves of Kel - the city of tears - cried out for a hero, one who would save them from their tormented existence. What they got was Silas Kane, the most inept paladin to ever defile a holy symbol. Raised by insane monks, he’s out to spread the love of his god whether or not anyone wants it. With a high tolerance for pain and a dump stat in intelligence, Silas is on a quest to end the suffering of those in need - one way or the other.