Why do some of us spend so much of our lives longing for what they don't have?

In this episode, we explore the psychology of longing. From relationships and belonging to future possibilities and unlived experiences, longing is one of the most common yet least discussed parts of being human. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, and LGBTQ development, this episode examines why longing exists, why it can become so powerful, and why many gay men may become especially familiar with it.

Topics include daydreaming, anticipation, attachment, imagination, and the emotional pull of what we don't yet have.

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Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

Many gay men do not simply grieve relationships, opportunities, or experiences. Sometimes we grieve entire developmental pathways: The city you never moved to. The relationship that almost happened. The friend group you thought you would find. The version of yourself that might have emerged if you had come out sooner.

Drawing on research in counterfactual thinking, narrative identity, ambiguous loss, and queer development, this episode explores why certain possibilities stay with us long after they have passed and why this experience may carry particular weight for many gay men.

What if the question is not whether we chose the right path, but what those unrealized paths can teach us about who we are and what we still value?

and PS.... happy pride!

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Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver

Have you ever been devastated by someone you barely dated? Found yourself unable to stop thinking about a situationship, an emotionally unavailable partner, or a relationship that never fully became real? In this episode of boy meets therapy, we explore the psychology of the fantasy relationship and why connections built on possibility can feel so emotionally powerful.

This conversation dives into the unique kind of longing many gay men experience, especially after spending years watching relationships happen around them before getting the chance to participate in one themselves. We unpack why shorter relationships, mixed signals, and “what could have been” dynamics can leave such a lasting impact, and why grief in these situations often feels bigger than we expect.

Drawing from psychology and research, this episode explores concepts like limerence, intermittent reinforcement, projection, idealization, and repetition compulsion to better understand why some relationships become psychologically consuming. This is not a conversation about being “delusional” or dramatic. It is a conversation about longing, attachment, hope, and the emotional meaning we assign to possibility.

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Work with Me: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.boymeetstherapy.com/work-with-me⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Created and Produced by Dustin Oliver