DARLINGS. Gather round the chaise longue because we have ASCENDED this week. We are spiritual now. We are at one with the earth, the moon, the Gregorian monks! — sounds DIVINE, doesn't it? 🕯️🌙✨

This week on the chaise: the sacred art of drunk-texting your ex - a two-part symphony, no notes, an entire seminar on names the people simply refuse to pronounce correctly, and Nigella getting the reverence she was BORN for on Bake Off. Theatrical. Unwell. Correct.

And if Prince Harry walked up to GayLinda RIGHT NOW and said "let's make a thing of this" — darling, he would ascend to a higher plane of existence on the spot. Ginger. Losing his hair. Doesn't matter. He is GONE.

Season 7, Episode 3 of What Would Denise Do has landed like a meteor, hun. Zero filter, full unravelling, because the universe demanded it. 🎙️🔮💅

Gay-Linda and Davina are back, although getting them both audible at the same time takes two hours, a dodgy microphone, a suspected feline sabotage and the emergency purchase of some new equipment.

Once the technical crisis is finally over, things improve considerably. By which we mean they get worse.

This week, Dom discovers the perils of letting your cat near expensive electronics, David discovers he can apparently carry an entire podcast while everyone else drinks, and both of them take an unnecessary trip through the television of their childhoods. There’s Crystal Maze, Art Attack, He-Man, Joan Collins, Robot Wars, Spanish Fame and several theme tunes nobody asked to hear.

Elsewhere, Dom joins an app that wants to know if he’s dry, David becomes fascinated by the possible resemblance between ice cubes and anal beads, a birthday dinner is planned with suspicious levels of wardrobe supervision, and the pair prepare for Poland while attempting to remember what day anything is happening.

There’s also an alarming amount of discussion about gonorrhoea for two men who started the evening trying to record a perfectly respectable podcast.

Featuring Alexa being told to know her place, the return of “you are live on Channel 4”, an educational investigation into why gonorrhoea is called “the clap”, and the important life advice nobody requested: live your life as if Beyoncé was watching.

Another polished and informative episode of What Would Denise Do? with Gay-Linda and Davina.

Obviously.

Darlings, the wait is OVER. Gay Linda and Davina are back on the mic after the longest summer hiatus in podcast herstory, dripping in glitter, gossip and zero filter. This episode serves it all: a GYMRACE confession with a twist, GayLinda's shock announcement of TWO marathons six days apart, a full masterclass in throwing an unforgettable hen do without remortgaging your house, and the Celebrity Traitors lineup getting the roasting it deserves. Add Alexa going rogue and a Prosecco upgrade fit for royalty, and you've got an hour of pure, sequin-coated chaos. Pull up a chair, pour something sparkly, and let the gays take you away.

⚠️ Loud, glam, and gloriously sweary throughout — this one's for the grown-ups, hun.