Cover of Unbecoming Me with Toi

Unbecoming Me with Toi

Unbecoming Me with Toi

By: Toi Waddles
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Unbecoming Me is a personal journey of shedding who we were told to be and growing into who we truly are. Hosted by Toi Waddles, this podcast explores healing after heartbreak, navigating lonely seasons, rebuilding self-worth, and learning to care for yourself in real and meaningful ways. Through honest stories and heartfelt reflection, Toi invites you to release old identities, face your truth, and step into your becoming — one layer at a time. If you're in a season of change, transformation, or rediscovery, you're not alone. This is where your unbecoming begins.2025 Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • Healing Didn't Change Who I Attract—It Changed Who I Entertain

    Healing Didn't Change Who I Attract—It Changed Who I Entertain
    14 Oct 2026

    She used to overdraft her own finances to help people who wouldn't even buy her a McDonald's sweet tea. Now she's done financing relationships—and done mistaking chemistry for real effort. In this episode, Toi shares how healing changed the dating patterns she'll entertain: no months-long text threads, one-sided conversations, or waiting around for someone to make plans. She describes the startling shift of being genuinely pursued and getting to know someone who reciprocates. Her takeaway is sharp and grounded: healing may not change who you attract overnight, but it can change who you let into your life.

    Timestamps

    Opening introduction (00:00:04) The host introduces the podcast's themes of healing, growth, and becoming your authentic self.

    Dating from peace instead of chaos (00:00:46) The host reflects on how past experiences shaped her dating patterns and why she now dates differently.

    Choosing substance and reciprocity (00:01:23) She contrasts superficial attraction with qualities like empathy, respect, communication, and mutual investment.

    Setting financial and dating boundaries (00:03:11) She discusses no longer overextending herself financially and challenges excuses for not planning dates.

    Moving beyond endless texting (00:04:29) She encourages taking concrete steps to spend time together instead of remaining pen pals.

    Prioritizing actions over chemistry (00:05:33) She emphasizes noticing whether someone's actions, effort, and pursuit match the chemistry.

    Experiencing mutual pursuit (00:06:43) She describes how refreshing it feels when someone checks in, asks questions, and genuinely makes an effort.

    Healing changes who you entertain (00:07:55) She explains that healing may not immediately change whom you attract, but it changes whom you choose to engage with.

    Recognizing and rejecting old patterns (00:09:18) She encourages listeners to notice unhealthy dynamics, stop settling, and choose what aligns with their growth.

    Closing reflections and outro (00:10:36) The host recaps the episode's message, invites listener feedback, and the show closes with a reminder to embrace yourself.

    Powerful Quotes from the Episode

    "I'm not that same girl on potential island. I'm not that same girl who gets all googly-eyed and butterflies and gets stuck at the surface anymore."

    "I used to take food out of my own mouth to feed other people, and never have that reciprocated. I used to max out my overdraft to help somebody else's situation, when they wouldn't even buy me a sweet tea at McDonald's."

    "You can have all the chemistry in the world, but their actions ain't saying nothing. Their actual pursuit of you ain't saying nothing."

    "You deserve to be pursued, too. You deserve to be courted. You deserve to be gotten to know. You deserve to be treated better."

    "Healing didn't change who I attract overnight. It changed who I entertain."

    RESOURCES:

    Connect With Me: Toi Waddles

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/toiwaddles?mibextid=wwXIfr

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unbecomingmewithtoi/

    Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@unbecomingmewithtoi

    FOLLOW THE PODCAST: Unbecoming Me with Toi on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

    "You deserve to be pursued, too."

    Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com

    Contact us for expert podcast production and support.
    Show more Show less
    12 min
  • When You Stop Chasing, You See Who's Willing to Meet You Halfway

    When You Stop Chasing, You See Who's Willing to Meet You Halfway
    30 Sep 2026

    The right person doesn't need convincing—and Toi repeats that truth three times in this episode. She reflects on mistaking one-sided effort for love, then lays out what changed her perspective: watch actions, not promises; stop doing all the reaching, planning, and paying; and let stillness reveal what someone's consistency—or silence—is really saying. With candid references to "potential island" and the toll of carrying a relationship, Toi makes the case for expecting reciprocity without proving your worth. A grounded listen for anyone wondering whether they're building a connection together or doing all the work alone.

    Timestamps

    The opening (00:00:04) Toi introduces the show's themes of healing, growth, and becoming your authentic self.

    When you stop chasing and finally get chosen (00:00:46) Toi reflects on overextending herself in relationships and introduces the episode's central message.

    You don't have to prove yourself (00:01:23) She describes healing after relationships and explains that love should not require sacrificing your well-being.

    Watch actions instead of promises (00:02:00) Toi says potential and promises mean little without genuine willingness and consistent action.

    Let people come toward you (00:03:59) She encourages sharing the effort in relationships rather than always initiating, planning, or paying.

    Stillness reveals the truth (00:04:33) Stepping back from carrying a relationship reveals whether effort is mutual and helps clarify expectations.

    The right person doesn't need convincing (00:06:44) Toi emphasizes that the right person will recognize you and reciprocate without requiring proof.

    Closing remarks (00:07:35) The show closes with a reminder to be yourself and an invitation to rate, review, follow, and share.

    Powerful Quotes from the Episode

    "I thought love required effort. I didn't realize I was doing all of it, though. I was doing all the work."

    "In a relationship, you shouldn't have to prove yourself. You should just be yourself."

    "I don't care how many times you cry, I don't care how many times you poke, you prod. If somebody is not going to do something, they're not going to do it. Point blank. Period."

    "Either they'll be consistent in effort or they'll be consistent in sitting back. But no matter what that looks like, it's still consistency."

    "The right person doesn't need convincing. They already see you, and you genuinely see them too."

    RESOURCES:

    Connect With Me: Toi Waddles

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/toiwaddles?mibextid=wwXIfr

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unbecomingmewithtoi/

    Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@unbecomingmewithtoi

    FOLLOW THE PODCAST: Unbecoming Me with Toi on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

    "The right person doesn't need convincing. They already see you, and you genuinely see them too."

    Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com

    Contact us for expert podcast production and support.
    Show more Show less
    8 min
  • The Audacity of Expecting Consistency, Respect, and Peace in Love

    The Audacity of Expecting Consistency, Respect, and Peace in Love
    16 Sep 2026
    In Episode 13, Season 2 of Unbecoming Me, host Toi tackles the bold concept of expecting healthy love in relationships. She challenges listeners to raise their standards, reject toxic patterns, and refuse to settle for bare minimum effort. Toi emphasizes that healthy expectations — including consistency, peace, and respect — are realistic, not unreasonable. She encourages self-worth, accountability, and choosing character over potential. Her key message: as you grow, your tolerance for less decreases. Healthy love exists and is attainable for everyone willing to do the healing work and boldly declare what they deserve. Timestamps Podcast Introduction (00:00:04) Host Toi introduces the "Unbecoming Me" podcast, focusing on healing, growth, and self-discovery after personal challenges. The Audacity to Expect Healthy Love (00:00:46) Toi introduces the episode's topic: having the audacity to expect and demand a healthy, consistent, and peaceful love. Setting and Raising Your Standards (00:02:25) The importance of setting standards from the beginning of a relationship and continuously raising them as you grow. Healthy Expectations Are Not Unrealistic (00:03:36) Toi explains that wanting peace, respect, and consistency is realistic, despite what those accustomed to toxic relationships might think. Refusing the Bare Minimum (00:04:47) Discusses ending situations that offer only breadcrumbs and refusing to settle for being a last-minute or backup plan. Choosing Quality Over Potential (00:06:48) A person's potential doesn't equal their character or work ethic; it's crucial to choose quality over unrealized potential. Lowering Tolerance, Not Raising Standards (00:08:01) The host shares a quote about lowering tolerance for unacceptable behavior and manifesting the love you truly desire. Healthy Love is Possible for Everyone (00:09:05) Toi affirms that healthy, committed love exists for everyone and emphasizes stating your standards clearly from the start. You Deserve More Than Struggle (00:10:13) An encouragement to believe in your worth and understand that you do not have to settle for a difficult love. Rejecting Negative Projections (00:11:21) Advice on how to handle people who project their own toxic relationship experiences onto you and your expectations. Episode Wrap-Up and Call to Action (00:12:32) Toi concludes the episode, wishing listeners healthy love and asking for comments, shares, and future topic suggestions. Podcast Outro (00:12:55) The closing message encourages listeners to rate, review, follow, and share the podcast with others. Powerful Quotes from the Episode "I stopped apologizing for wanting consistency." "The bare minimums are no longer accepted." "You don't deserve to be a backup plan; you deserve to be a prioritized person in somebody's life." "My standards didn't get higher; my tolerance got lower." "You're no longer settling because you know what your heart truly desires." RESOURCES: Connect With Me: Toi Waddles Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/toiwaddles?mibextid=wwXIfr Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unbecomingmewithtoi/ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@unbecomingmewithtoi FOLLOW THE PODCAST: Unbecoming Me with Toi on Apple Podcasts and Spotify "My standards didn't get higher; my tolerance got lower." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.
    Show more Show less
    13 min
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