In this episode of The Widow Podcast, I'm joined by Rachel Hart-Phillips, who created the Afterglow Space, which offers holistic grief support, and founded Love Loss Disco Balls, a greetings card company.

Rachel lost her dad when she was 20 and her mum when she was 34. In 2019 her husband Ant died by suicide while she was pregnant with their son. Rachel talks about what followed: hearing "at least you've got the baby" when she felt "very trapped by it", the resentment of those first months, and how, not having "a clue" who she was as a widow and a new mum, she and her son "sort of grew together".

She speaks honestly about suicide loss, the signs she only saw afterwards, and how she has talked to her son about his dad. We also talk about meeting Warren when her son was just eight months old, and where we both land on whether grief is only sadness.

We discuss:

• Hearing "at least you've got the baby" while grieving, and the mix of resentment and bond in the early months

• The online support of young widows, including two women who were pregnant when they lost their husbands to suicide

• Signs that are easy to put down to stress and only seen in hindsight, and being kind to yourself about it

• Explaining to a six-year-old that "you can also get sick in your mind"

• Meeting Warren when her son was eight months old, and holding love for two people at once

• Why we both believe grief is so much more than sadness

• Knowing there is "another side to it"

If you have lost someone to suicide, or you are learning to hold love and grief at once, I think this one will meet you where you are.

For More Support:

The Widows Membership: karensutton.co.uk/the-widow-membership

Coaching and retreats: karensutton.co.uk

Rachel's photo by Sara Swallow

In this solo episode of The Widow Podcast, I explore what it really means when our relationships change after the loss of a life partner.

I recorded this in the middle of Awakening Hope, my free week-long online event for people grieving the loss of a life partner, and the same questions kept coming up all week. Why have my friends disappeared. Why have people stopped checking in. Why do the people who love me most not understand. And underneath all of it, what do I say when somebody rings and asks if there's anything I need.

I'm honest about both sides of this. I talk about my very good friend from junior school. Her mum died and it put a real strain on our relationship. I did keep showing up, but everything I was doing wasn't hitting the mark, but my God, I was trying. I talk about the fortieth birthday trip I wasn't invited on after Simon died, and the conversation months later when my friend told me they just hadn't thought I'd want to come. I talk about the mask we get so good at wearing, and why the people around us take what they can see as the truth.

I talk about:

• Why "if there's anything you need, let me know" so often leaves the griever with nothing to say
• The anger, resentment and jealousy we can feel towards the people we love, and the shame that comes with it
• Why it is not easy to show up for somebody who is grieving
• Why no one person can meet every practical and emotional need we have
• Debbie's Wonder Woman pants, and giving people a way to ask how you are
• Checking in on a scale of one to ten instead of saying "I'm fine"
• Being left off the invite list for a friend's fortieth after Simon died
• Asking for one thing, even when you don't know what you need
• Building new community when the people around you aren't your people

You don't have to know everything you need. You only have to know one thing, and ask for that.

For More Support:

The Widows Membership: karensutton.co.uk/the-widow-membership

Coaching and retreats: karensutton.co.uk

In this episode of The Widow Podcast, I'm joined by Rosie Moss, host of the Widowed AF podcast and author of Widowed AF: A Guidebook for Grieving Your Partner.

Rosie's husband Ben died in a diving accident in 2018, when she was 37 and their three children were very young. His body was never found. Rosie talks about the day he went out to dive, the knock at the door that evening, and the decision she made that first night to tell her children he had died, rather than that he was missing.

What followed was a grief with no body and no certainty: a funeral without a coffin, the practical fallout of a sudden death, and the long process of having Ben legally declared dead.

We discuss:

• Choosing the word died from the very beginning, and why it mattered for her children

• What it is to grieve without a body or any answers

• Keeping Ben present in family life in small, everyday ways

• Finding love again in early grief, and what losing that stirred up

• What changed when she got sober, and the grief that was still waiting

• What she has learned from nearly 200 conversations about loss

Rosie tells a very hard story with enormous warmth and honesty. If your person died without warning, I think this one will steady you.

For More Support:

The Widows Membership: karensutton.co.uk/the-widow-membership

Coaching and retreats: karensutton.co.uk