If you have a hard time holding space for your partner's emotions, it's because somebody didn't hold space for yours. 💛

In this solo episode of The Sacred We, Mike gets really honest about the road from a sensitive boy who was told to cheer up, to a man who coped with porn, pot, cigarettes, the gym and dating, to the moment at 30 when another man held space for him and he finally cried.

That one experience changed everything: his marriage, his work, and the way he loves. Mike shares why coping only ever brings short relief, why "a man who does not grieve will wreak havoc on the world," and why love has to come from the outside in before you can offer it from the inside out.

If you've ever felt like a little boy in a man's body, or you keep trying to fix your partner's feelings instead of feeling your own, this one is for you. You'll also hear the simple homework that changed Mike's life. You gotta feel the heal.

Mentioned in this episode:
The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren:
https://karlamclaren.com/the-language-of-emotions-book/

Connect With Us:
The Sacred We:
https://thesacredwe.com

Bringing the Oracle to Him:
https://www.courtneywren.com/bring-your-oracle-to-him

Rebirth 1:1 with Courtney:
https://www.courtneywren.com/containers

Work with Mike:
https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coaching

Email: relating@courtneywren.com | transform@itsmikeelliott.com
Instagram: @courtneywren.relating | @mikeelliott.relating

Free gift from Stan & Tracey: get an excerpt of Stan's book In Each Other's Care, including the introduction and the full "Fighting Dos and Don'ts" chapter:
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/ieoc-giveaway

"If your driving guiding force in a relationship is love only, you're not going to make it." Dr. Stan Tatkin, the developer of PACT, and his wife Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, co-founder of the PACT Institute, say love is real, but it rises and falls like the weather. What holds a couple together under stress is something you design on purpose.

Courtney Wren-Mabbutt and Mike Elliott sit down with Stan and Tracey for an honest, funny and deeply practical conversation about secure functioning: a relationship built on shared purpose, clear agreements, fairness and quick repair. They explain why it's not him or her. All of us get difficult under stress, because a lightning-fast threat system takes over before we've chosen anything, and suddenly the person we love looks like the problem.

The invitation: decide together why you're here, plan for your hardest moments, and learn to catch the shift in each other before it runs the show.

Chapters:
0:00 Cold open
2:24 Welcome to The Sacred We
3:21 Welcome Stan and Tracey Tatkin
6:03 It's not him or her
11:43 Mentor couples and pro-relationship teams
15:37 Most couples never design their relationship
16:50 Secure functioning and one crazy at a time
18:32 Shared vision, agreements and purpose
23:11 Return to love
26:45 Protecting each other
30:07 The red wagon: attachment is survival
34:13 Know your partner's nervous system
37:38 Why love alone isn't enough
41:36 Pillow talk after 27 years
45:03 From island to clingy
54:37 Rituals and the touch-toes rule
58:02 Never fight in the car
1:00:40 The "it", the threat loop and catching the shift
1:09:51 Worth it, but hard
1:11:59 Their legacy and the Real Life Report Card

Stan & Tracey resources:
Stan & Tracey (official site):
https://www.stanandtraceytatkin.com/

The PACT Institute:
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/

Wired for Love retreats and workshops:
https://www.thepactinstitute.com/retreats

Stan's books:
https://www.stanandtraceytatkin.com/books

Stan's TEDxKC talk:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kKTsz0OcuI

Stan on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/

About Stan & Tracey:
Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a couple therapist, researcher and the developer of PACT (A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy). His books include Wired for Love, We Do and In Each Other's Care. Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, AMFT, co-founded the PACT Institute with Stan in 2010 and co-leads Wired for Love retreats and workshops with him.

Connect With Us:
Sign up for our couples list:
https://www.thesacredwe.com/thesacredwe

Bringing the Oracle to Him:
https://www.courtneywren.com/bring-your-oracle-to-him

Rebirth 1:1 with Courtney:
https://www.courtneywren.com/containers

Work with Mike:
https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coaching

Email: transform@itsmikeelliott.com | relating@courtneywren.com
Instagram: @mikeelliott.relating | @courtneywren.relating

Join Harville & Helen's online Getting the Love You Want weekend workshop for couples, Oct 23-25, 2026:
https://harvilleandhelen.com/calendar/

What if there were a tool to end war in your relationship? Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, the founders of Imago Relationship Therapy, say the answer is not to work harder on yourself. We are wounded in relationship, and we heal in relationship. The healing lives in the space between you, and dialogue is the tool they have taught to couples for decades.

Courtney Wren-Mabbutt and Mike Elliott sit down with Harville and Helen for a warm, wide-ranging conversation on the practice that changed their own marriage: dialogue. Instead of two people talking in parallel monologues, one person sends, the other listens and mirrors back, and something in the nervous system finally relaxes. They explain, in plain language, why hearing is not the same as listening, and why feeling seen and heard is what makes a brain feel safe enough to open.

Along the way they name the fights every couple knows: the grievance that says "why are you doing it that way?", the unconscious wish that your partner would just be you, and the long road from opponents to partners. They share a story of dialogue used to end a border war between countries, in their account. They talk about why the self-love model is really an individual-paradigm answer, what Martin Buber's I-It and I-Thou distinction means at your kitchen table, and how couples who embody this end up changing everything they touch, including schools and workplaces.

There are practical takeaways too: move at the pace of connection rather than the pace of ambition, use curiosity and affirmation in everyday moments, and remember that the space between you is where two whole people grow. If you have ever felt like you were doing all the inner work and still ended up far apart from your partner, this conversation is for you.

Harville & Helen resources:
Official site:
https://harvilleandhelen.com/

Online couples retreat, Oct 23-25, 2026:
https://harvilleandhelen.com/event/getting-the-love-you-want-46/

Getting the Love You Want (book):
https://harvilleandhelen.com/books/getting-the-love-you-want/

Couplehood, on-demand course for couples:
https://harville-and-helen.teachable.com/p/couplehood-a-new-way-to-love

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/

About Harville & Helen:
Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt co-created Imago Relationship Therapy. They are couples therapists and New York Times bestselling authors.

Connect With Us:
Sign up for our couples list:
https://www.thesacredwe.com/thesacredwe

Bringing the Oracle to Him:
https://www.courtneywren.com/bring-your-oracle-to-him

Rebirth 1:1 with Courtney:
https://www.courtneywren.com/containers

Work with Mike:
https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coaching

Email: transform@itsmikeelliott.com | relating@courtneywren.com
Instagram: @mikeelliott.relating | @courtneywren.relating