You planned the vacation, bought the birthday gift, and drove them everywhere, and you didn’t even get a “thank you.” If you’ve ever looked at your kids and thought, “What did we do? We’ve created ungrateful monsters,” this episode is for you.

In this episode, Adriane shares what she learned when she dug into the research on why kids seem ungrateful. Often it isn’t ingratitude at all. You’ll hear what a group of high school girls said about being labeled “ungrateful,” why “there are starving kids in other countries” never works, and how a surprise package of pajamas taught Adriane more about gratitude than any birthday ever did.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The difference between concrete gratitude (manners) and connective gratitude (the kind we really want for our kids)
• Why comparative suffering isn’t true gratitude
• How your brain’s negativity bias and reticular activating system shape what you notice
• Reason #1: Entitlement. Where it comes from, including over-parenting and comparison as a coping mechanism, and what to do: rescue only in high-stress moments, invite contribution, practice delayed gratification, and model gratitude
• Reason #2: No worldview. Why abstract lessons don’t land and how serving alongside others builds real perspective
• Reason #3: The exchange relationship. Why kids react to expected gifts with a shrug and to surprise gifts with joy
• Reason #4: A need for autonomy. Why teens and tweens may skip the “thank you” to protect their growing independence, and how to respond without taking it personally
• A simple next step: holding a family meeting to plan how your family will contribute and serve

Resources mentioned:

• 📖 Read the blog post: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/ungrateful-children/4 Surprising Reasons Your Children Are Ungrateful -
• 📋 Free Family Meeting Agenda: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/u7e6v5
• 📝 8 Tips for Having a Family Meeting: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/family-meeting-tips/
• 📚 The Me, Me, Me Epidemic by Amy McCready → https://link.amazon/B01vmlRDb
• 📚 NurtureShock by Po Bronson → https://link.amazon/B0aWtSNkY
• 🎙️ Dr. Becky Kennedy: Good Inside - https://www.goodinside.com/
• 🌱 Coming up next, ways to cultivate gratitude: 10 Tips for Raising Grateful Kids - https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/raising-grateful-kids/

Need support? If you’ve tried everything and it still feels like you’re not getting anywhere, or you’re too depleted to model gratitude right now, let’s talk. Book a free Parent Support Discovery Call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

*This post contains affiliate links. See the disclosure policy (https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/about/disclosure/) for details.

"Don't kick it in the middle!" Every parent on my son's 9- and 10-year-old soccer team yells it, and every single time, the ball goes right down the middle for the other team to kick in the goal. Then the coach changed his words, and they stopped getting scored on as much as they were.

In this episode, I break down why your child's brain can't really process a "don't," why "don't" is every parent's go-to (it's not your fault!), and the simple flip that helps your kids actually hear you.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why the brain has to picture the thing you don't want before it can cancel it
• How stress takes the owl brain offline, so kids grab the last picture they heard
• What counterwill is and why kids instinctively push back on a "don't"
• Why "be nice" is too abstract, and how to tell kids what to do with their hands, face, and voice
• Why pointing and naming specifics (like the soccer coach did) makes directions click
• How to use the flip on yourself, and the 10-minute game night it gave my son and me

Your challenge this week: Catch yourself saying "don't" or "stop," and flip it into what you want to see. Then email me and tell me how it went!

Resources mentioned:

• Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/
• Book a free parent support call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
• Email me: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com

Now go raise those kids with purpose!

How many times have you told your child to "say you're sorry," only to hear a quick "I'm sorry" and then watch them do the same thing an hour later? That's because "sorry" is just a word. What we actually want is the skill underneath it: empathy.

In this episode, I walk you through "Walk in Their Shoes," an activity I created for my PURPOSE Learning Program that went a little crazy on Instagram. It teaches kids empathy through play and experience instead of lectures, and you can try it at home this week.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What forced apologies actually teach kids, and why it isn't empathy
• Why telling kids to "think about how they feel" often doesn't work
• Why empathy is an advanced skill that has to be practiced, not just explained
• The difference between feelings and emotions, and why a big emotional vocabulary matters
• How to help kids connect emotions to what they feel in their bodies
• Why repetition is the secret sauce of skill-building, and what an overgrown hiking trail has to do with your brain
• Why empathy works both ways: kids learn to understand others by being understood
• How to try the "Walk in Their Shoes" activity at home, step by step

Guided questions to ask while your child stands in the character's shoes:

• What happened to the character?
• What do you think they're thinking right now?
• What do you think they're feeling right now?
• Where is it in their body?

Try it at home this week:

1. Pick a character from a favorite book or show, or make one up.
2. Put a pair of shoes on the floor or trace footprints on paper.
3. Have your child step in "as" the character while you ask the guided questions.
4. Use a feelings wheel to help them name the emotion and where it shows up in the body.
5. Repeat with a new character every few days. Dress up as the character to make it extra fun!
6. Switch roles and step into your child's shoes.
7. Once it feels familiar, use it after a real conflict: "Do you want to step into your brother's shoes for a minute?"

Resources and links:

• Learn more about the PURPOSE Learning Program: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com
• Emotions Play Pack (Walk in Their Shoes lesson, feelings and emotions wheel, and worksheets): link coming soon
• Watch the 3-part reel series on Instagram: Search "Helping a six-year-old girl understand empathy" at @raisingkidswithpurpose
• Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett: https://link.amazon/B0gE3iumm *affiliate link
• How We Feel app: howwefeel.org
• Episodes on how kids learn through play:
  • 21: Why your kid keeps disoberyinig you and what works faster than timeouts - https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/disobedientkid/
  • 23: 5 Playful habits to build a stronger bond with your kids - https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/playfulparentinghabits/
• Email me: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com

Try this with your kids, then leave a review and tell me how it went! Every review helps another parent find this podcast when they need it most. And subscribe so you don't miss what's next.

Now go teach your kid some empathy!