Licensed therapist and CSAT Jeremy Mast welcomes licensed therapist, CSAT, and “Betrayal Coach Mo” Monifa Ellis-Addy to discuss how ADHD affects relationships, intimacy, communication, trust, and recovery from compulsive behaviors. Monifa explains ADHD as a dopamine/ norepinephrine imbalance which impacts more than focus - reaching into areas such as impulsivity, mood regulation, inhibition, and working memory, often leading to a delayed diagnosis which can occur after years of masking. Monifa and Jeremy explore how dopamine-seeking can increase vulnerability to compulsive behaviors (including sex/porn, gaming, food, spending, and substances) and why treating ADHD can address root drivers. Monifa outlines assessment options (therapist discussion, psych eval, PCP, behavioral analyst) and emphasizes combined medication plus therapy/coaching with individualized systems and consistency over perfection.

They discuss differentiating ADHD from trauma in betrayed partners, outsourcing supports, using assessments like the PTSI-R, and how ADHD can contribute to loneliness, rejection sensitivity, and misinterpretations such as labeling ADHD patterns as narcissism. Monifa stresses ADHD as an explanation, not an excuse, and encourages getting evaluated and treated.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

01:19 Meet Monifa Addy

01:59 What ADHD Really Is

05:03 ADHD and Compulsive Behaviors

07:19 Getting an ADHD Assessment

09:39 What Treatment Looks Like

12:52 ADHD Informs Recovery Plans

19:25 Betrayed Partners and ADHD

23:55 Rebuilding Trust with ADHD

31:29 Loneliness and Rejection Sensitivity

36:05 Key Takeaways and Resources

38:06 Closing and Next Steps

How do you begin to feel safe again when betrayal has shaken your trust, your relationship and your sense of self?

In this episode, Jeremy Mast welcomes therapist, author and betrayal trauma specialist Mari Lee for a compassionate conversation about healing after infidelity, pornography addiction and sexual betrayal.

Drawing on her personal experience and work with betrayed partners, Mari explores why checking, replaying conversations and constantly searching for reassurance can become part of the response to betrayal. She discusses the shame many partners carry, the impact of gaslighting and why being told to “just move on” can leave people feeling even more alone.

Mari also guides listeners through a vivid imagery exercise and shares ways to approach recovery through mindfulness, self-compassion, supportive relationships and clearer boundaries.

Whether you’ve experienced betrayal yourself, are supporting someone who has, or work with couples navigating recovery, this conversation offers understanding and hope.

In this episode, we explore:

• Mari’s personal story and what led her to support betrayed partners.
• Understanding hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts and safety-seeking behaviors.
• Mindfulness and guided imagery as tools for grounding.
• Gaslighting, self-blame and the pressure to forgive before you’re ready.
• Why rebuilding trust involves consistent actions over time.
• Finding support that understands betrayal trauma.
• Reclaiming your needs, values, boundaries and personal agency.
• Making room for anger, grief and the future you thought you would have.

Connect with Mari Lee

For counseling inquiries: mari@growthcounselingservices.com

For therapist consultation, business coaching and book-writing support: mari@thecounselorscoach.com

Connect with Jeremy and the Center for Integrative Change

Looking for support on your recovery journey? Visit CICFreeConsult.com to schedule a free consultation with a therapist or coach.

If this conversation resonated with you, share it with someone who may need it and subscribe to The Compassionate Recovery Podcast.

Recovery is hard work. You don’t have to do it alone.

Licensed therapist and The Compassionate Recovery host Jeremy Mast welcomes Spencer Posey, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex addiction therapist, to discuss how Christian faith can shape recovery from porn and compulsive sexual behaviors and the impact on betrayed partners. They note faith can intensify shame and stigma, leading people to label themselves “addicted” even when patterns may not meet clinical criteria, and contrast this with the ICD-11 category of compulsive sexual behavior disorder. Spencer describes the church’s frequent use of labels like “moral failure” and how shame fuels the addiction cycle, while offering a scriptural reframe using Zechariah 3 and Mark 9 to emphasize God meeting people in brokenness rather than condemnation. They also connect shame reduction to improved relationship repair and encourage both struggling individuals and partners that they are not alone and that supportive resources and community can help.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

01:19 Meet Spencer Posey

03:30 Faith Shame and Porn

08:01 Shame Cycle Explained

10:00 Zechariah Reclothing Image

14:17 Addiction Labels and Language

19:56 Recovery Steps with Faith

29:56 Couples Trust Rebuilding

33:49 Betrayed Partners in Church

36:52 Advice for Men and Partners

42:53 Resources and Closing