Bayern Munich spent Tuesday night in Stavanger being held to a 3-3 draw by Viking FK — a team whose budget probably doesn't cover Harry Kane's laundry bill — and getting Michael Olise sent off for throwing a ball at an opponent. Four days later they put six goals past RB Leipzig, with Luis Díaz scoring a hat-trick and Kane marking his 100th Bundesliga appearance with his 102nd league goal. Same club, same week, two completely different realities. We explain how both are true at once.

Borussia Dortmund had an even stranger seven days: they lost 1-0 in the Champions League to Bodø/Glimt, a club from a Norwegian city of about 50,000 people best known for fishing and the northern lights, with manager Niko Kovač publicly admitting his team "weren't even in the game" until they conceded. Three days later they were held scoreless by Union Berlin and are still unbeaten domestically, which is either remarkable resilience or proof that "unbeaten" has become a very low bar to clear.

Bayer Leverkusen quietly had the best week of anyone in the country — thrashing Lech Poznań 4-0 away in the Europa League, then beating Freiburg 2-1 at home to climb to within a point of the Bundesliga's suddenly-crowded summit. Freiburg, Mainz, and Elversberg are all still hanging around up there too, because the early-season "it's all a bit random" phase of the Bundesliga hasn't ended yet.

Elsewhere: Elversberg and Augsburg played out a four-penalty, pyrotechnics-interrupted 4-3 thriller; Hamburg won again in stoppage time, with Miro Muheim scoring his second match-deciding late goal in as many weeks; and Borussia Mönchengladbach, now under their second head coach of the season, lost again and remain the only team in the Bundesliga without a single point.

We also check in on Hoffenheim's miserable continental week — a 3-2 home defeat to Beşiktaş, their sixth loss in seven games across all competitions — and on 1. FC Nürnberg and Hertha BSC, who are, improbably, both still unbeaten in 2. Bundesliga eight games in.

Freiburg beat Schalke 2-1 and, because football is a cruel and petty sport, that result alone was enough to put them above Borussia Dortmund at the top of the Bundesliga — not because Dortmund lost, but because Dortmund drew and Freiburg's goal difference is better. Dortmund are still unbeaten. They're just unbeaten in second place now. We explain how that works, slowly, for anyone who thought "top of the table" meant something stable.

Bayern Munich somehow conceded a goal before most of their fans had sat down — Augsburg's Robin Fellhauer scored in under nine seconds from kickoff, reportedly the fastest goal in Bundesliga history, by exploiting a Manuel Neuer pass that should've been a formality. Bayern needed two Harry Kane assists just to draw 2-2. Jamal Musiala missed it with a knock from international duty, Saibari filled in fine, and that's the last we're saying about that.

RB Leipzig put six goals past Eintracht Frankfurt, with Christopher Nkunku scoring a hat-trick, because apparently all that squad needed was Frankfurt standing in front of them. Elsewhere: Bayer Leverkusen won an actual shootout at Mainz (4-3, Diaby's 50th league goal), Hoffenheim and Hamburg played out a genuinely unhinged 2-3 with a red card and two VAR-disallowed goals, 1. FC Köln beat Borussia Mönchengladbach to keep them rooted at the bottom with zero points from five games, Union Berlin finally won a match, and Stuttgart did the professional, boring thing at Paderborn.

In the second division, Hertha BSC won their seventh straight game and are still — still — unbeaten, and 1. FC Nürnberg played out an eight-goal fever dream against Wolfsburg that somehow ended 4-4.

And because you can't just skip two weeks of your own podcast, we close with a brief, unsentimental look at Jürgen Klopp's first two games in charge of Germany — a draw, then a home defeat to Greece — before we get back to normal service.

Harry Kane became the fastest player in Bundesliga history to a century of league goals, and did it inside a 7-0 demolition of Union Berlin that also featured Michael Olise's first career hat-trick. That alone would headline most weeks. Instead it has to share the podium with Borussia Dortmund, who ground out a 1-0 win at Stuttgart to stay perfect through four games and go top of the table, and with SC Freiburg, whose three-game winning start finally ended in a wild 2-2 at Frankfurt. Elsewhere: Werder Bremen came back from 2-0 down to beat Augsburg with a stoppage-time winner, Borussia Mönchengladbach fired their head coach and then lost 4-3 in a seven-goal circus against Mainz, Hamburg won a league match for the first time this season, and Bayer Leverkusen beat RB Leipzig to continue building some real form. In Europe, Leverkusen won their Europa League opener while Hoffenheim lost theirs. And Jürgen Klopp named his first Germany squad — all 44 players of it — leaving out Maximilian Beier, who responded the very next day by scoring the winner for Dortmund. Down in 2. Bundesliga, Hertha Berlin are six games into a perfect season, with 1. FC Nürnberg two points back in second.