Today, we need to talk about a very specific kind of mind-f**k. We need to talk about what happens when you wake up one day, as a fully formed adult, and realize you were raised in a cult.When society talks about “cults,” we have a very specific aesthetic in mind. We picture isolated compounds in the desert. We picture Kool-Aid, matching tracksuits, and weird robes. When we hear phrases like “speaking in tongues,” “spiritual warfare,” or “demonic possession,” we immediately picture the Deep South: a guy in a sweaty tent in Alabama handing out snakes.But that wasn’t my reality.My cult didn’t have a compound. It had marble floors, stained glass windows, and the official, globally recognized stamp of approval from the Roman Catholic Church.Respectability Politics and the Velvet RopeTo understand the cognitive dissonance of my childhood, you have to understand my environment. This wasn’t rural, fringe religion. My parents were wealthy. They owned a highly successful restaurant right here in Philadelphia. We were respected members of the community. My dads best friend was the US Ambassador to Italy under Bill Clinton.My family was deeply integrated into the fast-paced, high-status, politically connected culture of the Northeast. We didn’t look like cult members. We looked like the local elite.But behind closed doors, our reality was dictated by high-demand, high-control spiritual paranoia.My parents genuinely believed they were privy to the “hidden teachings” of the Roman Catholic Church. And to be clear, this wasn’t some rogue, underground basement sect. Every single Wednesday, my mother attended Charismatic Catholic meetings at the prestigious Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul, right on the Parkway in Philadelphia. You cannot get more mainstream.But the theology we practiced inside those walls, and inside our home, was something else entirely.A Step to the Left: The Cosmology of ParanoiaIf you grew up “regular” Catholic, you know the drill. It’s highly structured. It’s bureaucratic. You stand up, you sit down, you recite the Creed, you eat the wafer, you go home. It is quiet, it is guilt-ridden, and it is entirely devoid of spontaneous emotion.Charismatic Catholicism is the exact opposite.In my house, Heaven wasn’t an abstract place in the clouds you go to when you die. It was described to me as another dimension. I was literally taught that you could just take a step to the left, and you would be in Heaven. The veil between realities was exactly that thin.And because the veil was that thin, my very existence was framed as a constant, active battle for my soul. The spiritual world wasn’t a metaphor. It was immediate, it was violent, and it was happening right in our upscale living room. Everything was boiled down to this absolute, high-stakes binary of Heaven and Hell, and my parents were constantly warning me about the Devil.Because we believed the spiritual realm was just a step to the left, we also believed that anything could cross over. People could be possessed, yes—but so could things.Which brings me to the magic.Vatican-Approved WitchcraftIf you look at Charismatic Catholic practices through an anthropological lens, it is straight-up folk paganism.My reality was saturated in ritualistic protection. There was holy water everywhere, all the time. My mother would actively anoint me. She spoke in tongues. I have vivid memories of her literally chasing me around the house with a rosary.In my family, every single time we bought anything, the priest had to be involved.* New business? Blessed.* New home? Better bless it.* Family dog? Once a year, bring them to church for a blessing.* A lamp from a thrift store? Absolutely needed to be blessed.Why? Because in this branch of Catholicism, we implicitly believed in animism. We believed that a used sweater or a piece of jewelry could carry a demonic attachment, a curse, or negative spiritual residue from its previous owner.Think about that for a second. The belief that an inanimate object holds spiritual energy, and that you must perform a ritual using specific elemental tools—like salt and water—to cleanse that object and protect your home...That is witchcraft. That is warding. That is the exact same foundational logic used by pagans, shamans, and ceremonial magicians to banish negative energy. At least once a week, we would go to church and do what was essentially candle magic. We would write our intentions on a little piece of paper, put them in a slot, light a candle, and sit there candle-gazing for five minutes before going home to do homework.We just called it a “blessing.” We used Holy Water instead of moon water. We used a Vatican-approved priest instead of a coven. But the mechanics of the magic were identical. We were casting protective circles around our material possessions because we lived in constant terror of the unseen world.Pathologizing the Body & MindThe most insidious part of being raised ...
Show more
Show less
13 Jul 20268 min
