Send the Message You Keep Meaning to Send

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Send the Message You Keep Meaning to Send

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Welcome back to Infinite Threads. I’m your host Bob.Yesterday we began The Infinite Threads Experiment with something very simple.Notice somebody you normally might not notice.Today, we’re going after something a little different.Something I suspect almost everybody listening has sitting somewhere in the back of their mind.A person.You know the one.Every once in a while, their name pops into your head and you think, I really ought to message them.Then life happens.The phone rings.Dinner needs figuring out.You open Facebook for one specific reason and twenty minutes later you’re watching a video of a raccoon stealing somebody’s Amazon package.And the message never gets sent.A week goes by.Then a month.Maybe longer.So Experiment Number Two is this:Send the message you keep meaning to send.Not tomorrow.Not when you have something particularly profound to say.Today.And before anybody starts getting nervous, I am not suggesting that you contact an ex who destroyed your life in 1987 because Bob from Infinite Threads told you to. Use some judgment here.This isn’t about reopening dangerous relationships, ignoring healthy boundaries, or forcing reconciliation with somebody you have good reason to keep out of your life.I’m talking about the people we genuinely care about and simply haven’t contacted.An old friend.A cousin.Somebody you used to work with.A neighbor who moved away.Maybe someone who helped you years ago and probably has no idea you still remember it.There doesn’t even have to be a reason.In fact, that may be the most interesting part of today’s experiment.We’ve gotten very good at communicating when there is business to conduct.“What time are you coming over?”“Did you get the email?”“Can you pick up milk?”Human civilization would apparently collapse without messages about groceries.But there is another kind of communication that doesn’t need an assignment attached to it.“I was thinking about you.”That sentence is surprisingly powerful.Because somewhere in the world, another human being suddenly discovers that they still exist in somebody else’s mind.Think about that for a moment.You’re going through an ordinary day.Maybe not a particularly good one.Your phone makes a noise.You look down and see the name of someone you haven’t heard from in a while.And all it says is:“Hey, you crossed my mind today. Hope you’re doing okay.”Nothing earth-shattering happened.But the day changed a little.That is what I want us to experiment with.I think we sometimes hesitate because we believe the message needs to be bigger than it actually does.If it has been a long time, we feel as though we need to explain the long time.Then the explanation becomes awkward.So we postpone it.Which makes the time longer.Now we need an even better explanation.Eventually we have turned a two-sentence text message into an international diplomatic incident.There is another option.Skip the explanation.“Hey. I know it’s been a while. I thought about you today and wanted to say hello.”Done.You’re back in business.And maybe they answer immediately.Maybe you end up talking for an hour.Maybe you discover that they have been meaning to contact you too.Or maybe the response is just:“Great hearing from you. Hope you’re well.”That counts.The point of the experiment isn’t to force some big emotional reunion.It is to close the distance by one small step and see what happens.There may also be someone you want to thank.That can be today’s message too.Maybe something a person did years ago still matters to you.Tell them.One of the strange things about human beings is that we carry memories of things other people did for us without realizing they may not remember doing them.A teacher encouraged us.A coworker defended us.Somebody called when we were going through a terrible time.Maybe they thought it was nothing.It wasn’t nothing to us.Imagine getting a message years later that says:“You probably don’t remember this, but I do.”I love that.Because suddenly a moment somebody thought had disappeared comes back carrying evidence that it mattered.That seems very Infinite Threads to me.Something moved from one person into another and kept traveling long after the original moment was gone.Today we get to send a little of it back.There is one thing I don’t want this experiment to become, though.An obligation.If you send somebody a message, try not to attach an invisible invoice to it.They may not answer today.They may be busy.They may see it, smile, and forget to respond.I have absolutely never done anything like that myself, of course. The message still mattered.This experiment is about reaching out, not controlling what comes back.That distinction is important because relationships can sometimes turn into scorekeeping.“I contacted them last.”“They never call me.”“I’m always the one who checks in.”Sometimes that frustration is legitimate. Relationships need some ...

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