Why are so many parents left to carry it all alone?

In this episode, Ila responds to the comments on her episode about rage and parenting, and to the Lindsay Clancy case, to ask a hard question: what happens to parents when there is no village?

She talks about the parts of motherhood we rarely name out loud: the grief of miscarriage, the hormonal aftermath of birth, the guilt of splitting your attention between children, and the pressure to cope without asking for help. She also shares her own experience of running out of time to have children, and the grief that came with it.

From there, the conversation widens. Why does society have so little tolerance for a crying baby? Why is apologising seen as weakness? Ila traces these back to a lack of emotional literacy passed down through generations, and shares why she wrote Love Your Villain: to help break the cycle of emotional abuse before it reaches the next generation of children.

This is not an episode about excusing harm. It is about what becomes possible when we meet suffering with compassion instead of shame, and when adults learn to sit with, identify and label their own difficult emotions.

In this episode:

• Why miscarriage and postpartum struggles deserve far more acknowledgement
• How isolation and a lack of support wear parents down
• Why a crying baby triggers us, and where that comes from
• What a personal experience with a partner's suicide attempt taught Ila about pain and escape
• Why emotional literacy in adults is the real protection for children

Content note: this episode discusses suicide (including a description of an attempt), infant and child loss, miscarriage, infertility and postpartum mental illness. Please take care while listening. If you are struggling, reach out to your local crisis line or someone you trust.