Cover of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

By: Leslie Vernick
Listen for free

Season's Savings | 0.99 €/month for 3 months

5.99 €/month thereafter - terms apply. Cancel monthly.
Summary
 Relationship Truth: Unfiltered is a place for people of faith to find real answers when it comes to destructive relationships. Leslie Vernick is the author of seven books, including the best-selling, ”The Emotionally Destructive Marriage.” She has dedicated her life to cutting through the religious confusion and teaching women to grow in their relationships: with God, with themselves, and with others.Copyright 2022 All rights reserved. Christianity Ministry & Evangelism Personal Development Personal Success Relationships Social Sciences Spirituality
Episodes
  • Taking Back Your Story: The Real Path to Wholeness After Emotional Abuse

    Taking Back Your Story: The Real Path to Wholeness After Emotional Abuse
    2 Nov 2026
    Taking Back Your Story: The Real Path to Wholeness After Emotional Abuse What if the thing keeping you from healing is not your abuser's refusal to change — but your belief that their apology is the price of admission to your own wholeness? In this deeply personal and powerful episode, Leslie pulls back the curtain on her own story of childhood emotional abuse and shares, with rare vulnerability, what the healing journey truly requires — not someday, not after the apology comes, but right now, exactly where you are. You will walk away with a clear-eyed understanding of the two most common detours that keep women stuck, three concrete steps to begin your own healing work, and the faith-rooted conviction that your story is not over and the ending still belongs to you. Key Takeaways Emotional Abuse Is Real, It Leaves Real Damage, and the Church Needs to Say So Emotional abuse does not require a raised fist to leave lasting wounds. Proverbs says reckless words pierce like a sword — and Leslie reminds us that is not metaphor, it is diagnosis. If you have been told you are too sensitive, that you just need to forgive and move on, or that what happened to you was not that bad, this episode speaks directly into that invalidation. What happened to you was real, it was sin, and you deserve to heal from it fully. The Two Detours That Will Keep You Stuck The first detour is spending your energy trying to fix or change your abuser. You cannot do someone else's healing work, and most of the time they are not even willing to admit the work exists. The second — and perhaps more quietly devastating — detour is waiting for an apology before you allow yourself to move forward. Leslie shares from her own experience of sending a vulnerable letter to her mother and receiving only more wounds in return. The question she had to sit with — and the question she now places in your hands — is this: do you need, with a capital N, the person who hurt you to repent before you are allowed to heal? When she finally answered no, something inside shifted. That shift is available to you too. Taking Responsibility for Your Healing Is Not the Same as Taking Blame This is perhaps the most important distinction in the entire episode, and Leslie returns to it more than once because it is so frequently misunderstood. You are never responsible for what was done to you. The person who abused you is one hundred percent responsible for their choices. But now, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for what you do with what happened to you. Accepting that responsibility is not blame — it is stewardship. Proverbs 4:23 commands you to guard your heart above all else. That is your assignment, and no one else can do it for you. Owning your healing gives you back your agency and your power to decide how your story ends. Three Places to Put Your Energy Right Now Leslie outlines three concrete starting points for the healing journey. First, re-educate yourself — especially spiritually. If the Bible was used as a weapon in your home to enforce control, you may be carrying a distorted picture of what God actually says about submission, forgiveness, boundaries, and your own worth. Find out for yourself. Second, identify your own work to do, not your abuser's — what do you need to grieve, what lies do you need to release, what patterns are no longer serving the person God designed you to be? Third, expose and actively let go of the lies. Notice when you say I can't and ask yourself: who told me that? Try shifting I can't to I can try, or even I won't — and notice how that one word change hands your agency back to you. Healing Is a Process, Not a Destination — And You Do Not Have to Walk It Alone Wholeness does not mean you never feel pain again or never get triggered. It means you now know what to do when those things happen. It means you can speak in your own voice, hold your own values, and care for yourself without requiring someone else's permission or validation. Leslie also makes clear that this journey was not designed to be walked in isolation. You were wounded in relationship, and you heal in relationship — with God, with safe and wise community, and when needed, with a good trauma therapist or coach. Getting professional help for emotional wounds is not weakness. It is the same wisdom that sends you to a doctor when your body is not healing on its own. Personal Invitation If today's episode stirred something in you — if you recognized yourself in one of those detours, or if you are exhausted from focusing on everyone else and have not yet turned that care toward yourself — I want to offer you a place to begin. The Quickstart guide at the link below is a gentle, practical first step to help you get oriented on your healing journey. You do not have to have everything figured out. You just have to take one honest step forward. https://leslievernick.com/guide Friend, your story is ...
    Show more Show less
    29 min
  • What Your Church Never Told You About Divorce — A Family Law Attorney Sets the Record Straight

    What Your Church Never Told You About Divorce — A Family Law Attorney Sets the Record Straight
    19 Oct 2026
    Have you ever wondered whether staying in your marriage is what God truly requires of you — or whether that belief is actually a lie keeping you trapped? In this powerful episode, Leslie sits down with Charlene Quint, family law attorney, domestic abuse survivor, TEDx speaker, and founder of Abuse Care. Charlene brings a rare combination of courtroom experience, personal healing, and deep biblical grounding to one of the most urgent conversations women in destructive relationships need to hear. You will walk away with practical tools for leaving safely, a clearer understanding of what Scripture actually says about divorce, and the courage-building truth that God goes with his daughters into their promised land. Key Takeaways You Are Not Naive — These Men Are Skilled Actors Charlene opens with her own story: a CFO who did not see the signs during the love-bombing phase, who was coerced into signing a 28-page prenuptial agreement the day before her wedding, and who eventually left with nothing but a change of clothes in the trunk of her car. Her story is a profound reminder that education, intelligence, and faith do not protect a woman from a calculated abuser. The shame of asking "how did I miss this?" is one of the first lies that must be named and released. Naming It Correctly Changes Everything Just as a doctor who misdiagnoses bronchitis when the patient has lung cancer will prescribe medicine that cannot heal, a counselor or pastor who frames abuse as normal marital conflict will offer tools that cannot help. Charlene and Leslie make clear that naming a behavior as gaslighting, coercive control, or abuse is not an act of bitterness — it is an act of clarity that finally gives a woman permission to seek the right remedy. Traditional marriage counseling applied to an abusive relationship is, as Charlene puts it, like taking aspirin and expecting it to cure cancer. What the Bible Actually Says About Divorce One of the most important sections of this conversation walks through Deuteronomy, Malachi, and Matthew with careful, honest biblical scholarship. The long-repeated phrase "God hates divorce" is a mistranslation of Malachi 2, where God was actually condemning men who sent wives away without a certificate of divorce — abandoning women with no legal protection and no ability to remarry. Moses granted the certificate of divorce as a protection for women in a patriarchal culture. Jesus upheld that provision. God's heart, throughout all of Scripture, is consistently with the oppressed and against those who use power to violate others. What Abusers Will Do During the Divorce — Without Exception Charlene is direct: there is a predictable playbook, and every woman deserves to know it before she is blindsided. He will play the victim. He will pursue parental alienation and social alienation. He will lie about finances. He will drag out litigation. He will volunteer visibly at church to build his reputation. Practical wisdom here includes gathering financial records before leaving, getting an order of protection if applicable, making divorce documents extremely specific about dates and terms, and — critically — keeping a poker face about what matters most to you. The moment he knows what you love, he will use it as leverage. Healing Begins with Truth and Safe Community Charlene calls it the three Rs: Recognize the lies you have believed, Remove them, and Replace them with God's truth. Lies like "no one else will love me" or "if I just pray harder he will change" are the internal chains that keep women in destructive relationships long after the external danger is recognized. Surrounding yourself with safe, informed people — and not walking this road alone — is not optional. It is the path. And for church leaders who want to help, Charlene offers her BEARS framework: Believe her, Educate yourself, hold Abusers Accountable, Refer her to professionals, and Support her practically with housing, finances, court accompaniment, and presence. Personal Invitation If something in this episode stirred something in you — if you are beginning to wonder whether what you are living is truly normal, or if you have known for a long time and simply did not know your next step — you do not have to figure this out alone. Leslie has put together a free Quickstart guide to help you begin moving toward clarity, safety, and healing. https://leslievernick.com/guide You can also find Charlene Quint's workbook, Overcoming the Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath and Other Domestic Abusers, on Amazon. It is designed for support groups, Bible studies, and individual healing, and her 25-week faith-based support group through Abuse Care begins each spring. Visit abusecare.org to learn more. God's blessings follow his daughters. That is not a slogan — it is a pattern Charlene has watched play out in the lives of hundreds of women who left with nothing and found, on the other side, jobs they never ...
    Show more Show less
    52 min
  • My Silence Was My Sin: How Legalism Kept Me Loyal to an Abusive Marriage for 36 Years with Jennifer Brantley

    My Silence Was My Sin: How Legalism Kept Me Loyal to an Abusive Marriage for 36 Years with Jennifer Brantley
    5 Oct 2026
    Show Notes Have you ever wondered whether your faith was actually keeping you trapped in something God never intended for you? For Jennifer Brantley, that question took 36 years and a shattering moment of clarity to finally answer. In this powerful episode, Leslie sits down with Jennifer — a speaker, author, and board-certified biblical counselor — who spent more than three decades in a marriage she never recognized as abusive, largely because legalistic theology had convinced her that silence was faithfulness and suffering was obedience. Together, Leslie and Jennifer unpack how distorted church teaching, spiritual manipulation, and deeply ingrained beliefs about submission kept Jennifer loyal, silent, and stuck — and how God's persistent grace, honest counseling, and the courage to get curious finally led her into genuine freedom. If you have ever been told that your pain does not count because there are no visible bruises, or that a good Christian woman simply tries harder and prays more, this episode is for you. Key Takeaways Legalism Can Make Abuse Invisible Jennifer spent 36 years in a destructive marriage without naming it as abuse — not because the signs were not there, but because every church message she received redirected the problem back to her. She was told she was not submissive enough, not prayerful enough, not attending the right women's conference. When she finally completed a diagnostic questionnaire from Leslie's book and scored 35 out of a possible range that flagged serious destruction at even a score of five, the word "abusive" became undeniable. The painful truth is that when theology is used to silence a woman rather than protect her, it becomes a weapon — and recognizing that distinction is often the first step toward freedom. Allowing Someone to Sin Against You Is Not Godly Submission One of the most transformative moments in Jennifer's journey came when her counselor said something that stopped her cold: if you are not setting any boundaries and allowing your husband to face no consequences, you are allowing him to sin against you and against God. That reframe — from helpless victim to someone who actually held a measure of agency — changed everything for Jennifer. She had believed that enduring mistreatment was faithfulness. She began to understand that voluntarily removing herself from the path of ongoing harm was an act of stewardship, not rebellion. As Leslie reminds us, there is suffering you cannot control, and then there is suffering you are choosing not to resist. God does not ask us to be complicit in our own destruction. Knowing Who You Are in Christ Is the Foundation of Every Boundary When Jennifer began to face pushback — being called a liberal feminist, watching friends disappear, losing the approval of her pastor and church community — the one anchor that held her was a simple handout she had long given to other women: a list of who you are in Christ, drawn straight from Scripture. She started reading it for herself. Understanding that she was the apple of God's eye, fearfully and wonderfully made, pursued by a Shepherd who left the 99 to find her — that knowledge slowly became more authoritative than anyone else's opinion of her choices. Leslie echoes this with a stunning quote she recently encountered in her own study: "Help me to believe the truth about myself, Lord, no matter how beautiful it is." When you let another person determine your worth, you are standing on quicksand. Your identity in Christ is the only ground solid enough to build a new life on. Curiosity Is What Moves You From Certainty Into Freedom Jennifer's awakening did not come from a dramatic confrontation — it came from getting curious. She started attending a Bible study outside her church. She began reading Scripture in fresh translations and looking at the original Greek and Hebrew. She started asking questions that her church had always treated as dangerous. Leslie names this beautifully: the church Jennifer was in was built on certainty — a closed system that punished questions. But curiosity is how we grow, how we learn, and how the Word of God comes alive. If you have been told for years that you already know everything you need to know, and that asking questions means you are weak in faith, this episode is a gentle invitation to start asking anyway. Freedom Is Bigger Than You Think It Is Jennifer describes the other side of her journey not just as relief, but as expansion. She compares the women she counsels to acorns that were designed to become oak trees — crammed into tiny pots and criticized for failing to look like tulips. For years, Jennifer did religion. She attended every service, taught Sunday school, led women's groups — and stayed small, silent, and shrinking. Freedom, she has discovered, is not simply the absence of an abusive spouse. It is the space to finally become the person God designed her to be: a speaker, a ...
    Show more Show less
    43 min
adbl_web_anon_alc_button_suppression_t1
No reviews yet