AI is pretty damn seductive. Give it a problem and seconds later it has an answer. Something you don't know how to do? It can probably help. Need to sound smarter, work faster or figure out something that would've taken you half the day? Done.

But can it make you confident? I think it can, but there’s a big catch.

I love AI. My team and I use it for everything from writing and data analysis to design and coding. I’ve even developed a rather personal relationship with my Claude. Used well, these tools can help us become more competent, better prepared and a whole lot more resourceful, all things that can absolutely strengthen confidence.

But our brains have to stay on the job.

Because confidence still requires us to evaluate information, question what we’re being told and ultimately make the call. AI can help us with that, but it can also - and frequently does - hand us a beautifully written, incredibly convincing pile of crap. It can agree with us when it probably shouldn’t. And it has absolutely no idea what that little alarm going off in your gut knows that the data doesn’t.

So how do we get all that extra competence without accidentally putting our own brains out to pasture? That’s what I’m digging into in this episode, including a few ways I’m using AI to strengthen my thinking instead of replacing it. Because the real confidence boost isn't getting an answer faster. It's knowing what to question, when to push back and when the final call still needs to be yours.

I talk all the time about how confidence is a choice- it’s the even the title of one of my books - so when someone comes along and says, “Okay, Alyssa, but are you sure it’s YOU whose actually the making the choice?” you better believe I'm listening.

Enter Paula Houlihan, fellow neuro nerd, executive coach and someone who has spent years studying what happens to our decision-making when the pressure is on. Paula was a high-performing corporate professional who thought exhaustion, stress and pushing through were simply part of being successful. Then a life-altering diagnosis forced her to take a very hard look at the choices that had gotten her there, including the ones she hadn't realized she was making.

That last part got me. Because we walk around thinking we're being perfectly rational and intentional while our brains are busy reaching for whatever worked before. That's wonderfully efficient when the old programming still serves us. It’s when it doesn’t that things get tricky.

And high performers can create the perfect conditions for that old programming to take over. We take on more because we can. We put enormous pressure on ourselves. Then, when we need more time, we start stealing it from things like sleep and taking care of ourselves, which are precisely the things our brains need to make better decisions.

Paula and I get delightfully nerdy about what's happening in the brain when pressure starts calling the shots, how to recognize when you've slipped into reactive mode and what it takes to get yourself back into the driver's seat. If you've ever made a decision and later thought, Why the hell did I do that?, listen in. This conversation may make you question just how many of your choices are really choices.

A few things you'll want to listen for:

• Why high performers can be especially vulnerable to autopilot thinking
• How to spot the moment your brain may be making the decision before you do
• Why a strategy that helped you succeed before can quietly start working against you
• The clue hiding inside those “if only they would…” moments
• Paula's deceptively small interruption that can change what happens next

Paula Houlihan is a keynote speaker, executive coach and creator of the Choice Management™ Model, which draws on neuroscience, psychology and her own corporate experience to help people make more intentional choices under pressure. A former corporate senior claims specialist with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, Paula now works with leaders and organizations to rethink the habits that drive performance, burnout and change. Learn more about Paula and her work.

You know that boss who needs to be copied on every email? Has to sit in every meeting? Somehow manages to take credit when things go well and locate someone else to blame when they don’t?

We need to talk about that person.

Because we tend to give bosses a whole lot of confidence credit just because they’re the boss. They have the title. They have the authority. They’re telling everyone else what to do, often with impressive certainty. So surely they must be confident, right?

Oh, my friends. No.

Some of the most maddening boss behavior is insecurity hiding behind a job title: the micromanaging, the gossip, the refusal to give someone else the spotlight and, worse than that, keeping talented people firmly positioned beneath them instead of giving them opportunities to grow. Even that boss who refuses to challenge a ridiculous policy because “that’s the way we’ve always done it" is telling you something important about their relationship with confidence, and once you start looking at those behaviors through that lens, a lot of the workplace nonsense starts making sense.

This is where so many of us get into trouble because unless and until you can spot it, their insecurity can mess with your confidence.

When someone constantly second-guesses you, withholds credit or treats your competence like a threat, it’s way too easy to wonder whether the problem might actually be you. Please do not give them that much real estate in your brain.

I’ve got 10 pretty reliable signs that your boss may be struggling with confidence, plus some practical ways to deal with it without immediately polishing your résumé. If you’ve ever left a meeting thinking, What the hell is wrong with this person?, press play. You may finally have your answer.