Sometimes self-protection looks a lot like responsible leadership. We work harder, avoid difficult conversations, agree with everyone, or become defensive when someone questions us. These responses might help us feel safe in the moment, but they can also keep us from connecting with the people around us. So how do we stay rooted in God's love when anxiety takes over and our instinct is to protect ourselves?

In this episode of the Beholding series, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore the ways self-protection shows up in our leadership and relationships, even when we don't recognize it. Through personal stories and practical exercises, they discuss emotional regulation for Christian leaders and how remembering that we are loved by God can change the way we respond under pressure.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to recognize self-protective behaviors that can look like responsible leadership

• Why remembering your own belovedness can help you see others with greater compassion, even during conflict

• How to practice Palms Down, Palms Up prayer to release what you're holding and receive what you need from God

• Beholding Workbook — A digital workbook with practices and reflections to help you see yourself and others through God's love. A small group bundle is also available.

• Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster — A book exploring spiritual disciplines, including solitude, silence, and prayer.

• Amy Edmondson's work on psychological safety — Research exploring whether people feel safe to speak honestly, disagree, and take interpersonal risks within teams.

• The Sponge Practice — A reflection from the Beholding workbook about how what we absorb shapes what comes out of us under pressure.

Have a question you'd love to hear us explore on the podcast?
Send us a voice memo or write to info@colossianforum.org. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

Join our newsletter
Want more practical encouragement for navigating conflict faithfully? Subscribe to our twice-monthly newsletter by visiting colossianforum.org/newsletter. Receive stories and reflections from Christian leaders, practices for everyday peacemaking, and resources to help you grow through conflict.

How are you practicing hope?
Has something from this podcast or another Colossian Forum experience inspired you to try a new practice or take a different approach in a relationship? We'd love to hear what you tried and what happened. We'll be sharing selected listener stories during episode breaks throughout the Beholding series.

Record a voice memo of 90 seconds or less. Start with your name, your work, and/or how you're connected to The Colossian Forum, then tell us your story. Use your phone's recording app to record, then select Share to email the audio file to info@colossianforum.org with the subject line "Practicing Hope Story." No polished script needed; just tell us in your own words.

Why does being misunderstood feel so threatening, especially in the relationships that matter most?

In this second episode of our Beholding series, Tanner Smith, Sarah Johnson, and Chase Rashad Stancle explore unmet expectations, the need for approval, and the pressure we put on others to secure our identity and peace. They discuss grieving the relationship you wish you had, releasing the need to change another person, and finding your worth in God's love.

Through honest stories and practical suggestions, they consider how to love someone as they are, even when the relationship remains difficult.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to recognize what you're asking a relationship to provide, including approval, security, or a sense of worth

• Why grieving unmet expectations can help you release the pressure to change another person

• How Scripture, supportive relationships, and shared activities can help you approach a difficult relationship with love

Key Resources Mentioned

• Beholding digital workbook — a companion resource for the Beholding series with practices for working through difficult relationships

• Thomas Keating's "programs for happiness" framework — an introduction to how our needs for security, affection, and control shape our expectations and reactions in relationships

• Romans 8:38–39 and Isaiah 53:3 — passages discussed in connection with God's inseparable love and Jesus' familiarity with grief

• Find Your People by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors — a song mentioned during the conversation about finding relationships that remind us we are known and loved

• Got a Person Who Triggers You at Work? — an episode of The Mode/Switch Podcast from our friend Craig Mattson. The conversation explores how naming the feelings another person brings up in us can loosen their grip and help us reconnect with what matters most.

Have a question you'd love to hear us explore on the podcast?
Send us a voice memo or write to info@colossianforum.org. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

Join our newsletter
Want more practical encouragement for navigating conflict faithfully? Subscribe to our twice-monthly newsletter by visiting colossianforum.org/newsletter. Receive stories and reflections from Christian leaders, practices for everyday peacemaking, and resources to help you grow through conflict.

How are you practicing hope?
Has something from this podcast or another Colossian Forum experience inspired you to try a new practice or take a different approach in a relationship? We'd love to hear what you tried and what happened. We'll be sharing selected listener stories during episode breaks throughout the Beholding series.

Record a voice memo of 90 seconds or less. Start with your name, your work, and/or how you're connected to The Colossian Forum, then tell us your story. Use your phone's recording app to record, then select Share to email the audio file to info@colossianforum.org with the subject line "Practicing Hope Story." No polished script needed; just tell us in your own words.

Disappointment doesn't just change how you feel about someone. Over time, it can change who you think they are. You start bracing for the familiar behavior and noticing the evidence that confirms what you already believe.

In this first episode of the Beholding series, Tanner Smith, Sarah Johnson, and Chase Rashad Stancle explore what disappointment does in our bodies, emotions, and perceptions — and why learning to notice it matters. You'll begin identifying your own "script of disappointment," separating what actually happened from the story you've built around it, and making room to see another person more fully.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to recognize your "script of disappointment" and the ways it narrows what you see in another person

• What your body and emotions can reveal about your reactivity in difficult relationships

• How to separate what actually happened from the meaning you've assigned to it

Key Resources Mentioned

• Beholding digital workbook — a companion resource for the Beholding series with practices for working through difficult relationships

• When Trying to Reconnect Pushes Someone Away — Here's What Helps — an article from our blog that explores the "stretch zone" and how to discern when there's enough safety and capacity to move toward a difficult relationship

• Got a Person Who Triggers You at Work? — an episode of The Mode/Switch Podcast from our friend Craig Mattson. The conversation explores how naming the feelings another person brings up in us can loosen their grip and help us reconnect with what matters most.

Have a question you'd love to hear us explore on the podcast?
Send us a voice memo or write to info@colossianforum.org. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

Join our newsletter
Want more practical encouragement for navigating conflict faithfully? Subscribe to our twice-monthly newsletter by visiting colossianforum.org/newsletter. Get stories and reflections from Christian leaders, practical peacemaking practices, and resources to help you grow through conflict.