Singer-songwriter and lifelong West Ham supporter Chesney Hawkes joins Piers and Jim to celebrate the joy, pain and beautiful nonsense of following the Hammers.

Chesney remembers losing 4-0 at Spurs on his first away day, following West Ham home and away throughout the 1980s and performing for 50,000 supporters before the Conference League final in Prague. He also reveals why Matt Le Tissier keeps turning up at his gigs, attempts to build a touring band from former footballers and introduces us to the fearsome West Ham hard man known as The Mallet.

Plus, naming a dog after Julian Dicks, forcing your children to support the correct club and the mysterious disappearance of babies called Phil, Nigel and Keith.

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Hosted by Piers Hewitt and Jim Daly

Music by Chris 'Woody' Wood

Produced by Will Nichols

A Lock It In Studio production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Former Away Days co-host and Bastille drummer Woody returns to find out what Piers and Jim have done to the place.

They look back at England’s World Cup campaign, before Piers makes the horrifying discovery that neither Jim nor Woody watched the Mexico game live. There is also an examination of a vintage Billericay shirt, some shameless Wembley bragging and an important debate about the greatest bald footballer of all time.

Plus, the remarkable 34-year playing career of Barry Hayles, the footballers they first spotted in public, Dave Benson Phillips at Chessington’s reptile house and Cliff Richard struggling with a cashpoint in Portugal.

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Email: pdtmhpod@gmail.com

Hosted by Piers Hewitt and Jim Daly

Music by Chris 'Woody' Wood

Produced by Will Nichols

A Lock It In Studio production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian and Arsenal fan Alfie Dundas joins Piers and Jim to answer the important questions: how much prison time would he serve to attend the 1966 World Cup final, which footballer would make the best man at his wedding, and how did anyone celebrate before the invention of the high-five?

Alfie assembles the ultimate footballer stag do, explains why being Jobe Bellingham would be dreadful, reviews the podcast’s questionable commitment to discussing football and reflects on the best and worst matches he has witnessed at the Emirates.

Follow Please Don’t Take Me Home:

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Email: pdtmhpod@gmail.com

Hosted by Piers Hewitt and Jim Daly

Music by Chris 'Woody' Wood

Produced by Will Nichols

A Lock It In Studio production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.