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NJ NonDenominational Church | ROC

NJ NonDenominational Church | ROC

By: NJ NonDenominational Church | ROC
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Episodes
  • We Belong Together | 1 Cor 12:12-27 | David Butler

    We Belong Together | 1 Cor 12:12-27 | David Butler
    11 Oct 2026

    The post We Belong Together | 1 Cor 12:12-27 | David Butler appeared first on NJ NonDenominational Church | ROC.
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    30 min
  • You Were Never Meant to Do Life Alone | Better Together Week 1 | David Butler

    You Were Never Meant to Do Life Alone | Better Together Week 1 | David Butler
    5 Oct 2026

    What if the biggest relationship mistake we make is the same one we make with our phones — we never open the User Guide?

    One well-known estimate says we will spend 17+ years of our lives on our smartphones. Almost none of us have read the manual. We just mash the apps we already know. We do the same thing with marriage, dating, friendship, and work. We jump in, then ask confused friends, TikTok, YouTube, or an AI companion what to do next.

    In this Big Day kickoff of Better Together at Rutgers Oasis Church, Pastor Dave Butler opens the only User Guide that actually knows how we were made: God and His Word.

    God is relational. Before there was a garden, a job, or a spouse, there was the Word with God, and the Word was God (John 1:1). We were made in that image (Genesis 1:26). And the first “not good” in the Bible is not sin. It is solitude. “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Adam had a perfect garden, a perfect job, and a perfect walk with God, and God still said he was not meant to do life alone.

    Better together is not a slogan. It is how the Trinity lives, and how image-bearers flourish.

    In this message

    • Why 17 years on a phone is a picture of how we treat relationships
    • Where most of us actually go for relationship advice
    • John 1:1 and the first relationship in the universe
    • Genesis 1:26: made in the image of a relational God
    • Genesis 2:18: the first “not good,” and what ezer (helper) really means
    • Why loneliness is a design feature, not a design flaw
    • The Big Idea: you were never meant to do life alone, because the God who made you never has

    This week Connect with someone face to face. No smartphones. Meditate on Genesis 1:26, Genesis 2:18, and John 1:1. Join a connect group. Invite a friend.

    The series: Four weeks. One User Guide. Week 1 — Why we were made for connection Week 2 — Dating: how to meet and pursue the right person Week 3 — Marriage: how to strengthen your relationship with your spouse and kids Week 4 — Communication: how to talk so a relationship can thrive

    Come back next week. Bring someone with you. We really are better together.

    Scripture John 1:1 · Genesis 1:26 · Genesis 2:18

    Rutgers Oasis Church 100 College Ave, New Brunswick, NJ Sundays · family, students, and singles Connect: https://cometotheroc.com https://rutgers.church

    Subscribe for the rest of Better Together, and share this with someone who has been doing relationships without the User Guide.

    #BetterTogether #RutgersOasisChurch #ChristianRelationships #Genesis218 #John11 #NewBrunswick #FaithAndRelationships #ChurchOnline

    The post You Were Never Meant to Do Life Alone | Better Together Week 1 | David Butler appeared first on NJ NonDenominational Church | ROC.
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    7 min
  • How to Have Better Communication in Relationships |James 1:19| David Butler

    How to Have Better Communication in Relationships |James 1:19| David Butler
    28 Sep 2026
    “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” — James 1:19–20, NIV God created us for relationships. Before there was a universe, there was already love: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit sharing life together. Because God is love, He made us in His image and invited us into His family. That is what it means to be born again — a new life with God, and then better relationships with each other. Somewhere along the line, we mess that up. Sin makes us selfish. Stress makes us sloppy. And the thing that usually snaps first is communication. This is week three of our Better Together series at Oasis. The message is for dating and marriage, but it also works with a difficult boss, a noisy neighbor, a roommate, and anyone else you have to live with. Relationships are hard. If you have ever thought, “We just grew apart,” this is for you. What communication actually means Communicate means to find common ground. It means to come face to face. John 1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God.” That little word with points to intimate companionship — face-to-face relationship. For 26 years I worked as a family court mediator. My job was to get people who often could not stand each other to sit down and talk about the things that mattered: kids, money, custody. Because I am a nosy guy, I would ask them how it started. Almost every couple began with “I love you, I want you, I need you.” A few years later it was, “Get this idiot out of here.” Was it money? Usually no. The in-laws? Not the main reason. Even cheating was not the number one answer I heard. The biggest reason people broke up was lack of communication. “We just grew apart. We’re not on the same page anymore.” You can look at the same tomato and argue about how to say the word. Same fruit. Different angle. That is what happens in a lot of homes. A disclaimer: James was not writing a dating manual. Dating as we know it is modern. He was writing to Jewish Christians scattered under stress. When life gets hard, we stop communicating well. James gives three commands — not suggestions — that will raise the level of every relationship you have. Command 1: Be quick to listen Quick here means eager. Give full attention before you give your opinion. Most of us say we want to hear the other person. What we actually want is to get our view in. We prepare the answer while they are still talking. That is not communication. That is a speech waiting for a pause. About 94 percent of communication is nonverbal. Words matter, but body language often matters more. Arms crossed. Body turned away. Eyes on the phone. Those things say, “I am already gone,” even if your mouth says, “I’m listening.” “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” — Proverbs 18:13 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his own opinion. James says the opposite: take in what they are saying before you respond. You do not have to agree. You do have to understand. Active listening In mediation we learned to rephrase. Someone would talk, and I would say, “So what you mean is…” using different words. If they said yes, two things happened. First, the fog cleared. Second, they felt worth listening to. Who does not want that? Even if you do not like what you are hearing, at least you know what you are dealing with. Three listening habits Put the phone down. Looking at a screen while someone talks is selective listening. That is how “take the garbage out” never happens.Do not finish their sentence. Let them get to the end.Reflect it back. Ask, “Did I get that right?” You are not surrendering. You are making sure you heard the heart, not just the volume. Command 2: Be slow to speak Slow like molasses. Restrained. Not blurting before you have the facts. “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” — Proverbs 10:19 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and the one who has a cool spirit is a person of understanding. Words are a fire. They can give life or they can give death. It can take a lifetime to build respect and one sentence to lose it. I have watched one angry word wreck a marriage, split a church friendship, and in some cases lead to violence and jail. “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” — Proverbs 12:18 This sounds like kindergarten. The question is whether we practice it. Our culture gives us plenty of loud examples. God’s Word gives us a better one: speak truth in love. Death words to retire “You always…” and “You never…” — They don’t. Maybe often. Not always.The silent treatment — That is not holiness. That is punishment.“Whatever.” — It sounds neutral. It ...
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    36 min
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