Cover of I'm probably going to hell for this!

I'm probably going to hell for this!

I'm probably going to hell for this!

By: Little Scotty
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The Absurd Laws of Ancient Texts


Welcome to the podcast that dares to ask: "Who wrote these rules, and were they having a laugh?" Join us as we dive headfirst into the most bizarre, outdated, and downright ridiculous laws from religious texts that somehow made it into the "divine guidebook."

Ever wondered why mixing fabrics is apparently a cosmic crime? Curious about the death penalty for wearing polyester-cotton blends? We've got you covered! From the Old Testament's oddly specific rules about haircuts and shellfish to papal decrees that banned everything from chess to showering, we're serving up religious absurdity with a side of serious side-eye.

Each episode, we'll explore gems like:

  • Why God apparently has strong opinions about your shrimp cocktail
  • The Vatican's historic ban on forks (yes, forks)
  • Biblical fashion police: Why your mixed-fiber jeans are sending you straight to hell
  • Pope Gregory IX's crusade against cats (spoiler: it didn't end well)
  • The cosmic importance of not boiling a goat in its mother's milk
  • Why medieval popes thought bathing was basically devil worship


Whether it's ancient Israelites getting worked up about beard trimming or medieval popes declaring war on musical instruments, we're here to laugh at humanity's most creative attempts to control behavior through divine bureaucracy.

Warning: This podcast contains excessive eye-rolling, uncontrollable laughter, and may cause you to question why anyone thought these rules were a good idea. Side effects may include existential crisis and an overwhelming urge to eat bacon cheeseburgers while wearing a polyester shirt.

© 2026 I'm probably going to hell for this! Spirituality
Episodes
  • Podcast 6 I'm probably going to hell for this!

    Podcast 6 I'm probably going to hell for this!
    6 Sep 2026

    Rules, rules, and more rules. Some of the most ridiculous rules in the bible. A little bit about Noah, the garden of eden, Adam, a talking donkey, and many other characters in the bible.

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    28 min
  • Episode: "The Price of Salvation: Televangelists and Their Million-Dollar Empires"

    Episode: "The Price of Salvation: Televangelists and Their Million-Dollar Empires"
    11 Oct 2025

    Episode: "The Price of Salvation: Televangelists and Their million-Dollar Empires"

    How much is a prayer worth? In this eye-opening episode, we dig into the staggering net worths of America's most prominent televangelists — from private jets to multimillion-dollar ministries. We’ll unpack how religious broadcasting evolved into a booming industry, the tax-exempt status of churches, and the blurred line between faith and fortune.

    Is it prosperity preaching or just good old-fashioned capitalism? Join us as we explore the controversial world of televangelism, where some preachers are worth hundreds of millions — and their followers are footing the bill.

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    30 min
  • I'm Probably Going to Hell for This! Episode 8 (Continued from episode 7)

    I'm Probably Going to Hell for This! Episode 8 (Continued from episode 7)
    1 Oct 2025

    Ever wondered why the Bible says not to wear clothes made of mixed fabrics, or what Jesus meant when He said, “Let the dead bury their own dead”? Holy Law & Disorder dives headfirst into the wild, weird, and often bewildering laws and sayings found in the Old and New Testaments. From Levitical rules about moldy houses and dietary restrictions to Jesus’ cryptic parables and paradoxical teachings, this podcast unpacks the cultural, historical, and theological context behind the Bible’s most head-scratching moments.
    Each episode blends humor, scholarship, and curiosity as we explore:
    • 🐐 Why ancient Israelites couldn’t boil a goat in its mother’s milk
    • 👕 The spiritual logic behind fabric purity laws
    • 🧼 What to do when your house gets mildew (according to Leviticus)
    • 🕊️ Jesus’ puzzling phrases like “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves”
    • 💬 The deeper meaning behind “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out”
    Whether you're a believer, skeptic, or just a fan of biblical oddities, Holy Law & Disorder will challenge your assumptions, make you laugh, and maybe even help you see scripture in a whole new light.
    Ready to decode divine mystery with a dash of irreverence? Hit play and let’s get weird.

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    27 min
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