Season 1, Episode 3: Am I Falling Behind?
Why Everyone Else Seems to Be Getting Ahead

Someone raises $20 million for their startup. Someone transforms their body in nine months. Someone lands a promotion you've been working towards for years.

And you begin to wonder, am I falling behind?

We often hear that comparison is the thief of joy. But is comparison really the problem?

I don't think so.

Comparison can help us learn, improve and understand what's possible. The problem begins when we compare our everyday reality with someone else's best moment.

The outcome becomes highly visible. The process becomes almost invisible.

In this episode of Built, Not Born, I draw on my experience building a startup to explore why we compare ourselves with others, how incomplete comparisons can affect our self-worth, and why they can sometimes discourage us from taking action.

We explore three ideas from behavioural science: social comparison theory, self-discrepancy theory and self-efficacy.

One Thing Worth Trying: Three simple questions to help turn comparison from a judgment of ourselves into something we can learn from.

15 minutes | One Problem | What science tells us | One thing worth trying.

Follow Built, Not Born for a new episode every week.

CHAPTERS

(00:00) Comparison Is the Thief of Joy?(01:59) The Startup Comparison(04:40) When the Process Becomes Invisible(06:36) What Science Tells Us(10:36) One Thing Worth Trying(12:48) A Highlight or a Lifetime?

THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS EPISODE

01 | A Theory of Social Comparison ProcessesLeon Festinger
We evaluate our abilities and opinions partly by comparing ourselves with others, particularly when objective measures are unavailable.

• Read original research (PDF)

02 | Self-Discrepancy: A Theory Relating Self and AffectE. Tory Higgins

Differences between who we believe we are and who we ideally want to become can contribute to disappointment, dissatisfaction and sadness.

• Read original research (PDF, Columbia University)

03 | Self-Efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change
Albert Bandura

Our belief in our ability to perform particular actions influences our motivation, effort, persistence and willingness to take on challenges.

• Research record (PubMed)