What happens when the people who should have cared for you leave you questioning whether you deserve love?

In Episode Three of Letters from a Trauma Survivor with Jo Smoak, “The Love I Needed and Didn’t Receive,” Jo shares her experience of childhood abandonment, becoming homeless after her father left when she was eight, and starting work cleaning houses to help provide for her own necessities. She reflects on childhood sexual abuse, a lifetime of maternal gaslighting, and conditional love—when the words “I love you” did not match the actions.

Through personal storytelling and original letters, Jo explores the grief of missing the parents she needed and the painful belief that she was unlovable. She considers how those experiences affected her sense of worth, trust, and expectations of human love.

With honest Christian reflections on trauma and faith, this episode offers companionship to listeners navigating childhood neglect, emotional abuse, parental abandonment, and the lasting effects of unmet needs. At its heart is a message Jo wants every hurting child—and the adult they became—to hear: you did not need to earn care, protection, or love.

Content note: Includes non-graphic discussion of childhood sexual abuse, homelessness, abandonment, and emotional abuse.

Follow Letters from a Trauma Survivor with Jo Smoak for Season One: Finding My Voice.

What happens when a painful event ends, but its effects continue shaping your life?

In “Dear Trauma: You Changed My Life,” Jo Smoak reads “Letter to Trauma” from her book Letters from a Trauma Survivor, originally published under the pen name Recovery Ryder. Beginning with anger, exhaustion, and a longing for relief, Jo reflects on the ways trauma has affected her sleep, sense of safety, relationships, identity, and dreams.

This episode explores nightmares, flashbacks, hypervigilance, PTSD, and complex PTSD through personal reflection. Jo considers the effort others may never see, the difficulty of trusting after repeated harm, and the grief of wondering who she might have become without those experiences.

She also discusses boundaries, interrupted education, Christian faith, and the importance of being seen as a whole person—with interests, abilities, and hopes beyond the painful parts of her story.

The episode closes with a new letter to trauma, making room for both the truth of what happened and the desire to help shape the life ahead.

For survivors and those who love them, this conversation invites greater understanding, patience, and compassion.

Content note: Discussion of trauma, abuse, abandonment, nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional pain without graphic descriptions.