What happens when the diagnosis you've been learning about for your child turns out to be yours too?

In this episode of Grownish Women, Holly talks with Niki, a pastor and mom she met at the Autism Caring Center. Niki was diagnosed with autism and ADHD in her 40s. It started after her daughter's autism diagnosis. Then, after her father died unexpectedly, Niki began sorting through his house and noticed some patterns: six pairs of the same sneakers, chapstick in every room, and "doom piles" everywhere. She started to see more of her dad in herself than she expected.

Niki talks honestly about the grief, anger, and freedom that came with her late diagnosis. She explains what unmasking really feels like, how ADHD medication changed her daily life (and her caffeine habit), and how her diagnosis changed her marriage and her parenting. She also shares what she'd tell any mom who is sitting there wondering, "Is this me too?"

If you've ever felt like you've spent your life making yourself smaller to keep everyone else comfortable, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How her daughter's diagnosis and her father's death led to her own autism and ADHD diagnosis
• Signs of autism in women that often get missed, like picky eating, texture issues, and struggling with change you didn't choose
• Why reading Unmasking Autism was so jarring she had to put it down for a month
• What the adult diagnosis process looked like
• Starting ADHD medication in midlife, and the caffeine conversation with her doctor
• Having a doctor who understands perimenopause
• How a diagnosis can shift a marriage and bring more grace into a relationship
• Parenting a child who shares your diagnosis
• Grief over the kid she might have been if she'd been diagnosed sooner
• Rejection sensitive dysphoria, overexplaining, and the mental load
• Why "self-care" isn't the same as actually taking care of yourself
• Her message for moms wondering if this is them too: you are not broken, and you don't need to be fixed

Resources mentioned:

• Unmasking Autism by Devon Price
• Autism Caring Center
• Skylight Calendar, which Niki calls "life-changing"
• Psalm 139: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made"

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need to hear it, and leave us a review. It helps other women in the messy middle find the show.

"Don't tell your sister I told you this, but…"

If that sentence sounds familiar, this episode is for you.

Triangulation is when two people stop talking to each other directly and everything goes through a third person. In families with a narcissistic mother, that third person is Mom. She controls what gets passed along, what gets twisted, and what gets left out. Siblings end up knowing each other only through her version of the story.

This one is deeply personal for me. I explain what triangulation is and the different forms it takes. I walk through the golden child, scapegoat and invisible child roles, and I get into the big question: why would a mother divide the children she's supposed to protect? I also share my own story: seeing the pattern clearly after my mom moved in with me, realizing how much time I'd lost with my sister, and choosing grace and boundaries at the same time.

When I asked on Threads whether anyone else's mom had pitted them against their siblings, more than 200 of you answered, "Yes. Me too." I'm reading some of your stories in this episode, because you need to hear them. I know I did.

You are not alone, you are not crazy, and you are not the problem.

I'm not a therapist, and nothing in this episode is a diagnosis. When I say "narcissistic mother," I mean a pattern of behavior, not a clinical label. If this episode stirs things up for you, please reach out to someone you trust or a licensed mental health professional.

In this episode:

• The four common forms of triangulation: the messenger, the comparison, the ally recruit, and the go-between
• Why the golden child and scapegoat roles are about Mom's needs, not who her kids really are
• The reasons behind it: control, staying at the center, avoiding accountability, and patterns passed down through generations
• How to stop carrying messages, reconnect with your siblings, and protect your boundaries
• Why forgiveness is yours to define, and doesn't have to mean reconciliation

Let's connect:
Find me at Grown-ish Woman on Instagram, Threads, and Facebook. New episodes drop every Friday. If this episode hit close to home, share it with your sibling. I'm sharing it with mine.

Have you ever felt like you’re not photogenic? It turns out, that feeling is rarely about how you actually look. It can be a protective belief, a way of bracing for being seen before anyone else has the chance to judge you.

In this episode of Grownish Women, Holly talks with Tracy about comparison, self-perception, and the features we fixate on that others may never even notice. The real work isn’t better lighting or a more flattering angle, it’s learning to see yourself, and your story, with more generosity.

About Tracy

Tracy is a portrait photographer, educator, and creator of Make Your Life a Masterpiece™. Through portraiture, legacy work, education, and retreats, she helps midlife women honor the life they’ve lived, reconnect with their identity, and build a meaningful next chapter.