In this episode of The Widow Podcast, I'm joined by Rachel Hart-Phillips, who created the Afterglow Space, which offers holistic grief support, and founded Love Loss Disco Balls, a greetings card company.

Rachel lost her dad when she was 20 and her mum when she was 34. In 2019 her husband Ant died by suicide while she was pregnant with their son. Rachel talks about what followed: hearing "at least you've got the baby" when she felt "very trapped by it", the resentment of those first months, and how, not having "a clue" who she was as a widow and a new mum, she and her son "sort of grew together".

She speaks honestly about suicide loss, the signs she only saw afterwards, and how she has talked to her son about his dad. We also talk about meeting Warren when her son was just eight months old, and where we both land on whether grief is only sadness.

We discuss:

• Hearing "at least you've got the baby" while grieving, and the mix of resentment and bond in the early months

• The online support of young widows, including two women who were pregnant when they lost their husbands to suicide

• Signs that are easy to put down to stress and only seen in hindsight, and being kind to yourself about it

• Explaining to a six-year-old that "you can also get sick in your mind"

• Meeting Warren when her son was eight months old, and holding love for two people at once

• Why we both believe grief is so much more than sadness

• Knowing there is "another side to it"

If you have lost someone to suicide, or you are learning to hold love and grief at once, I think this one will meet you where you are.

For More Support:

The Widows Membership: karensutton.co.uk/the-widow-membership

Coaching and retreats: karensutton.co.uk

Rachel's photo by Sara Swallow