Your child can count to ten and write their own name. Does that mean they are ready for school? Yvette Abraham, Founder and Director of Skylas, says readiness has far more to do with emotional regulation, language and confidence than it does with letters and numbers. She joins Eddie Reaiche and Natalie Moujalli to unpack the zones of regulation, what to do when your child gets in the car seeing red, and how to recognise a difficulty early without putting a label on your child.

Key Takeaways:

• School Readiness Is More Than Letters And Numbers: The skills that decide whether your child copes in a classroom are communication, emotional regulation and confidence, and those are far harder to teach in the last term before school than counting to ten.
• Teach The Word Before The Feeling: Children learn self regulation faster when you start with something concrete they can picture, like slowing a car in a school zone, rather than asking them to name an emotion they have no vocabulary for yet.
• Anxiety Is Already Present In The Early Years: Yvette sees it regularly and links it to busy lifestyles, technology and the pressure of being accepted by peers, often before a child has the words to explain any of it.
• The Meltdown At Home Is A Compliment: A child who holds it together all day at school and falls apart the moment they walk in the door is telling you that home is the safe place, not that you have done something wrong.
• A Child Does Not Need A Diagnosis To Get Support: A letter from a professional describing which strategies work for your child can do the same job at school as a label, without the label.
• The Child Hardest To Praise Needs It Most: A child with challenging behaviour can hear their own name in a negative sentence dozens of times a day, and turning that around costs a teacher roughly fifteen minutes across an entire day.

Notable Quotes:

1. "What it means is adjusting the settings to suit the environment." — Natalie Moujalli
2. "You're looking at prevention rather than intervention." — Natalie Moujalli
3. "She'll question me. Are you in the yellow zone or are you in the red zone? Come, I'll give you a big hug to calm me down." — Yvette Abraham
4. "The child is a whole person, not a condition." — Eddie Reaiche
5. "Let's say Jimmy has some cheeky behaviours. You're going to hear his name called out in the classroom a hundred times throughout the day. And it's all for doing negative things." — Yvette Abraham

You and your mental health is important to us. If this episode brought up any heavy emotions, please know you do not need to carry them alone. Reach out to Lifeline, Beyond Blue, or the counselling service at Hills Sanctuary house at hshl.org.au

Do subscribe to this podcast to get the latest episodes of Finding Sanctuary.

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Children rarely say they are anxious. They say their stomach hurts. Teenagers slam doors and stop handing in work.

In this episode of Finding Sanctuary, Debbie Draybi sits down with GP Dr Sarah Nakhel and psychologist Cristie Khouri to unpack how anxiety presents in children and teenagers, why a diagnosis is an explanation and not an excuse, and how our own anxiety transfers to our kids.

You will learn what to watch for, when to seek help, and the first step to take.

Key Takeaways:

• Anxiety Rarely Announces Itself: In children it usually arrives as a stomach ache or a headache, and in teenagers as anger, withdrawal or unfinished schoolwork, so the first sign is often something you can see rather than a worry they can name.
• Normal Worry Has A Line: Anxiety is the body's alarm system and everyone needs it, and it becomes worth acting on when it starts costing your child their schooling, friendships or daily routine.
• An Explanation, Not An Excuse: Knowing what a diagnosis is actually for lets it open doors for your child rather than quietly close them.
• Kids Learn From What You Do: The messages that shape an anxious child are usually shown rather than said, which makes noticing your own worry, and the worry you inherited, the place to start.
• Your Job Is To Become Redundant: Every time you let your child try, stumble and recover, you give them something they will need long after they stop needing you.
• Listen Before You Fix: A minute of listening without correcting tells your child it is safe to keep talking, and five minutes in the car or at the kitchen bench counts.

Notable Quotes:

1. "They don't come in saying, I'm anxious or I'm worried or I'm nervous. Usually it's a somatic or a physical symptom." — Dr Sarah Nakhel
2. "I always say to the teenagers I work with, it's an explanation, it's not an excuse." — Cristie Khouri
3. "I tell parents all the time, our job as parents is to become redundant." — Cristie Khouri
4. "I went to uni for eight years, and that's not where I gained most of my experience and my knowledge. Being a parent, being a wife, being a daughter, being a sister. All of those things have taught me more than eight years doing a degree." — Dr Sarah Nakhel
5. "Because of our own anxiety, we abandon ourself and think that this is too complex. But trust that you know your child." — Debbie Draybi

You and your mental health is important to us. If this episode brought up any heavy emotions, please know you do not need to carry them alone. Reach out to Lifeline, Beyond Blue, or the counselling service at Hills Sanctuary house at hshl.org.au

Do subscribe to this podcast to get the latest episodes of Finding Sanctuary.

Follow us on
Facebook - Christ the Redeemer Maronite Catholic Parish of The Hills
Instagram - @hills_sanctuary_house
Blog - https://hshl.org.au/blog/

Joy Adan does not answer questions in this episode. She takes the reins and facilitates a live workshop with Debbie and Natalie, and two therapists end up in the client's chair. Joy is an ICF-accredited coach whose story runs through migration, scarcity and a hard season of new motherhood. She introduces concepts from coaching, intentional change, and life design to unpack how to live life from a place of abundance instead of burnout. They name the armour they wear, what it protects them from, and what it has cost. You will learn to read your emotions as information, and how to build a restoration menu you will actually use.

Key Takeaways:

• Armour Is Learned, Not Chosen: The role you play to feel safe, whether that is the strong one, the helper, or the one who never needs anything, was shaped long before you ever agreed to it.
• Every Armour Has A Cost: It almost certainly kept you safe once, and the question worth sitting with is what it has quietly taken from you since.
• Emotions Carry No Moral Verdict: Sadness, disappointment and jealousy are information about an unmet need, not evidence that something is wrong with you.
• Rest Is Not Something You Earn: Refuelling before the tank is empty is not indulgence, it is the only way to keep showing up for the people who rely on you.
• Restoration Is Personal: What restores you will not restore your partner or your best mate, so write your own menu while you still have the energy to think clearly.
• You Were Never Meant To Carry It Alone: Being intentional about whose voice you turn up, and whose you turn down, changes your confidence and your direction.

Notable Quotes:

1. "An armour is heavy. Even though it may have helped us survive in the past, and it might have helped us belong and succeed in the past, I might be able to put some of that away and set it down." — Joy Adan
2. "By the end of my marriage I was completely depleted and I didn't even recognise myself anymore." — Debbie Draybi
3. "Emotions don't carry moral verdicts. I grew up with this unspoken message that if an emotion made me uncomfortable, it was bad." — Joy Adan
4. "Rest is not something I have to earn. I need to refuel before my tank is empty. I should not be waiting for that light to come on." — Joy Adan
5. "I'm known for my hugs. I'm a hug giver. But no, I don't think I've ever asked for a hug." — Natalie Moujalli

You and your mental health is important to us. If this episode brought up any heavy emotions, please know you do not need to carry them alone. Reach out to Lifeline, Beyond Blue, or the counselling service at Hills Sanctuary house at hshl.org.au

Do subscribe to this podcast to get the latest episodes of Finding Sanctuary.

Follow us on
Facebook - Christ the Redeemer Maronite Catholic Parish of The Hills
Instagram - @hills_sanctuary_house
Blog - https://hshl.org.au/blog/