Episode 39: AJ and AJ begin this episode with a trigger warning as they explore experiences of violation, entitlement, and the anger that comes from realizing someone else believed they had a right to you.

“J” starts with her time performing in The Homecoming by Harold Pinter, where she played the only woman in the cast—a character who, quite literally, gets passed around the men in the family. After the production ended, “J” discovered that one of her castmates had secretly developed feelings for her. Two years later, when she met the man who would become her husband, that former castmate became angry with both of them because, in his mind, “J” should have given him a chance. “J” talks about the rage of realizing that someone she considered a friend felt entitled to her body, her attention, and her heart—and how clearly she could see the patriarchy at work in that entitlement.

“A” takes us back to her college years, when she had a huge crush on a baseball player. One night, while out at a bar with friends, “A” was drugged. Thankfully, her friends recognized something was wrong, got her home, and kept her safe. Later, when she saw the baseball player, instead of showing concern, he laughed and called her “drunky.” “A” talks about the anger, humiliation, and sense of violation that followed—and how she turned to Nelly Furtado’s music to reconnect with her own power.

This week, AJ and AJ talk about the many forms violation can take, the entitlement that so often sits underneath it, and what it means to reclaim yourself after someone makes you feel like your body, feelings, or choices belong to them.