That’s the question Rachel Holley and I ask in this week’s episode of My Vicious Love.

Everybody tells you to move on. Heal. Let go. Find closure. But what if healing isn’t about forgetting? What if it’s about learning to carry the experience without letting it carry you?

We get into all of it—the nights crying on the floor, the drinking, the promiscuity, the self-sabotage, the anger, the obsession, the loneliness, and the uncomfortable reality that heartbreak doesn’t just make you lose a relationship. Sometimes it costs you friends. Family. Your identity. Sometimes it introduces you to parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed.

Rachel and I also talk about our four-year friendship and how, oddly enough, getting over our exes is what brought us together. Some of the strongest connections you’ll ever build are with people who simply understand your pain without needing you to explain it.

For me, I’ve stopped looking at my exes as chapters I’d rather forget. They’re books on the shelf of my life. Every once in a while, I pull one down, reread a few pages, remember who I was, appreciate how much I’ve grown, and then put it back where it belongs. Not because I want them back—but because every one of those stories helped build the person I am today.

This isn’t an episode about getting revenge. It’s not about pretending you’re over it. It’s about asking the question most people are too afraid to answer honestly:

Do we ever really get over an ex… or do we simply become someone who knows how to live with the memories?