[Rated MA]* When a worried ex-gridiron star hires hard-boiled Hollywood sleuth Dan Turner to shadow his oil-heiress wife and thwart a ruthless blackmailer, a clandestine hotel payoff detonates into sudden, smoking death!

Produced and Directed by Keith Brian Shaw [human]

Our A.I. Repertory Theater Cast

Host . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adam Stone

Dan Turner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charlie Phelps

Toby Vaughn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul L. Williams

Desk Clerk 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Declan Mire

Kay Holliston Vaughn. . . . . . . . Liza Fairbanks

Squirrel Puss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Geetus Jones

Dave Donaldson. . . . . . . . . . . . Simon Daub

Lucette Landon . . . . . . . . . . . . Carol Zimmerman

Audio production © 2026 Keith Brian Shaw

Source text is in the Public Domain

*DISCLAIMER: These stories reflect the prejudices, stereotypes, and social attitudes of their time, which may be offensive or inappropriate by today’s standards.

Dan Turner's Private Dictionary of Hollywood Slang

Listen, sweetheart, if you're plowin' through one of my yarns and wonderin' what the hell I'm talkin' about half the time, relax. I've been slingin' this lingo so long it's second nature to me, but I know it can twist a square john into knots. So here's a little glossary straight from the hawkshaw's kisser—my personal brand of patter, the way I call 'em in Tinseltown. No fancy explanations, just the straight dope.

ANCHORS – Brakes on the jalopy. I slap on the anchors when some dizzy dame steps into traffic.

BABE – A choice bit of feminine scenery, usually worth a second look.

BEEF – To kill somebody, or sometimes a complaint. “He beefed the guy” means he plugged him permanent.

BIM or BIMBO – A dame, sometimes a cheap one, sometimes just any skirt.

BOZO – Any guy. Usually a dumb one.

BUTT – Cigarette stub. Same as coffin-nail.

CANNON – Gun. A big one.

CHICK – Young dame, fresh and usually innocent-lookin'.

COFFIN-NAIL – Cigarette. Because they’ll kill you slow.

COOKIE – Same as cutie. A tasty dish.

CUTIE – Pretty girl, the kind that makes traffic stop.

DISH – Real looker. “She’s a dish” means she’s built right and knows it.

DOLL– Woman, usually a knockout.

FRILL – Girl, often a flashy one.

FRIED – Drunk. Fried to the hat = plastered.

GASPER – Cigarette. What I’m always lightin’ up.

GAT – Gun. Small one, usually a .32 automatic.

GEETUS, SCRATCH, CABBAGE, or CLAMS – Money. Important geetus = big bucks.

GLIMS – Eyes. “She gave me the glims” means she looked me over.

HAWKSHAW – Private detective. That’s me.

HEAP – Car. My jalopy when it’s feelin’ cranky.

JALOPY – Car. The crate I cruise Wilshire in.

JANE – Any woman. Plain and simple.

KISSER – Mouth or face. “I parked one on his kisser” means I socked him.

MAP or MUG – Face. Same as puss.

NOGGIN – Head. “I CLIPPED HIM ON THE NOGGIN.”

PEEPERS – Eyes. “She rolled the peepers at me.”

PUSS – Face. “He had a sour puss.”

ROSCOE – Gun. My favorite word for the rod I pack.

SNOOP, GUMSHOE, FERRET, or SHERLOCK – Private detective. Again, me.

STASH – Apartment. My bachelor stash is where I keep the Vat 69.

SWACKED, PLASTERED, or FRIED TO THE GILLS – Drunk as a lord.

WREN – Girl. Cute little bird.

YOWL, CATERWAUL, or YEEP – To yell or scream, usually a dame in trouble.

There you have it, pal—the basic toolkit. Read enough of my cases and you’ll be talkin’ like a Hollywood hawkshaw yourself. Just don’t go slingin’ it around the wrong mugs, or you might wind up on the wrong end of a roscoe. Capiche?

[Rated MA]* In the blistering California desert, hard-boiled Hollywood shamus Dan Turner goes undercover as a Bedouin extra to guard a sabotage-plagued epic—only to find murder crashing the set like a runaway camera crane!

Produced and Directed by Keith Brian Shaw [human]

Our A.I. Repertory Theater Cast

Host . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adam Stone

Dan Turner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charlie Phelps

Jack Hanegan. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Willard Lannister

Aline Witmer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Twila Krantz

Audio production © 2026 Keith Brian Shaw

Source text is in the Public Domain

*DISCLAIMER: These stories reflect the prejudices, stereotypes, and social attitudes of their time, which may be offensive or inappropriate by today’s standards.