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One summer they’re in Year 6 doing the school show, and the next they’re in secondary school, pulling away and wanting to do everything on their own. Nobody prepares us for that part.

Therapist Nicki Cohen is back! Nicki works with teenagers, was the mental health lead at a large secondary school, and is a mom to three boys aged 13, 16 and 19. Last week I talked about how we become a mom over and over again as our kids grow. This week Nicki shows us what that looks like in the teenage years, and how to stay close to your teen when they don’t need you in the same way anymore.

In this episode:

• Why pulling away from parents is a normal, healthy part of adolescence, even when it hurts
• Why your job as a parent doesn’t get less important, it just gets a new job description
• Why Nicki thinks 16 to 18 might be the hardest age to parent
• Small language swaps that stop your teen’s back going up
• Moving from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat
• How Nicki handled her 16-year-old going to Reading Festival without doing everything for him
• Side-by-side communication: why the best conversations happen in the car
• Getting into your teen’s world by being curious, even if you know nothing about football or rap
• One-to-one time, and why the quiet ones can get lost in bigger families
• What to do when you can see something’s wrong but they won’t talk to you
• Why letting go can feel like grief, and how two things can be true at once

Nicki’s 3 questions to ask before you step in

1. Can they do this alone?
2. Can they do it with me alongside them?
3. Or is this something I genuinely need to take control of?

Theirs, ours, mine
When your teen falls out with a friend, for example:

• Theirs: deciding what to do and whether to repair the friendship
• Ours: listening, empathising, and sharing our own experience
• Mine: managing the urge to pick up the phone to the other child’s mom!

Language swaps to try

• “What did you do?” → “What’s happened? Do you want to tell me?”
• “You need to do this.” → “What do you think you’re going to do about it?”
• “I told you so.” → “That sounds really hard. What do you need?”

“It’s not about letting go of them. It’s about letting go of control while holding onto connection.” — Nicki Cohen

Episodes mentioned

• Last week: Motherhood Isn’t One Change: How I’ve Grown With My Kids at Every Age 👉 Buzzsprout
• Nicki’s first episode: The Mental Load: What It Really Is & How to Manage It 👉 Buzzsprout

Connect with Nicki
Nicki is a therapist offering counselling for teenagers and adults, as well as sessions for parents to help them better communicate with their teens. She also provides consultancy to charities and organisations on anything mental health related.

Website: www.nickicohencounselling.co.uk

💛 Back to Me
As Nicki says, when the kids need us less there’s often a “so, what now?” moment for us too. Back to Me helps you get to know who you are now, in whatever season you’re in, whether your youngest is 6 months or 16 years old.
👉 Back to Me! by @itscharliedadia | Stan

Free guide: 7 Signs You’re Drowning in Motherhood
👉 Charlie Dadia (@itscharliedadia) | Stan

If this episode helped, please share it with a mom who’s in the teenage years or heading towards them.

Come and say hi: @itscharliedadia on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube
Charlie Dadia (@itscharliedadia) | Stan

A new episode is released every Sunday!

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Send us Fan Mail

We talk about becoming a mom like it happens once, the day your first baby arrives. But I’ve found that every new age and stage changes you all over again. I’ve been becoming a mom over and over for 12 years.

In this episode I share who I was when I first became a mom and who I am now, what each phase has asked of me, how looking back at my own childhood helps me understand my kids, and why I didn’t enjoy every part of it (and why that’s okay).

In this episode:

• Why becoming a mom isn’t one moment but something that keeps happening
• What the baby and toddler years, starting school, the friendship years and the pre-teen years have each asked of me
• Why the newborn phase feels never-ending the first time, and calmer once you know it’s a season
• Learning to listen instead of rushing to fix things
• What I’ve noticed as my eldest steps into the teenage years: more privacy, more independence, and more grown-up conversations
• How my own first day of high school shaped the way I talked to my son about his
• 3 simple questions to help you understand your child at any age
• Why you can love your children with your whole heart and still find some phases really hard
• Why feeling lost again in a new phase isn’t you going backwards

Try this week: 3 questions to ask yourself

1. What was I like at my child’s age?
2. What did I need back then from the grown-ups around me?
3. Can I give my child some of that now?

I’d love to hear what came up for you, so come and tell me on Instagram @itscharliedadia.

Coming up next week
Therapist Nicki Cohen is back to talk about parenting teenagers. She’ll cover how our job as parents doesn’t get less important when our kids become teens, it just changes, and how to let go of some control while holding onto the connection. Nicki works with teenagers and adults, was a mental health lead at a large secondary school, and is a mom to three teenage boys herself.

Episodes mentioned

• The Night I Became Someone’s Mum 👉 Buzzsprout
• The Separation Anxiety Nobody Talks About 👉 Buzzsprout
• The Mental Load: What It Really Is & How to Manage It (with Nicki Cohen) 👉 Buzzsprout

💛 Back to Me
Back to Me isn’t about going back to who you were before kids. It’s about getting to know who you are now, in the season you’re in. It works whether your youngest is 6 months or 16 years old. It includes the Identity Audit, which you can come back to every time a new phase changes you, and the Regression Rescue Guide for when you feel yourself slipping back into old patterns.
👉 Back to Me! by @itscharliedadia | Stan

Free guide: 7 Signs You’re Drowning in Motherhood
👉 Charlie Dadia (@itscharliedadia) | Stan

Come and say hi: @itscharliedadia on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube

Stay connected with Charlie

Website: https://stan.store/itscharliedadia (Mum Matters Community & all other tools for motherhood) (formerly charliesparentingpages)

Back to Me — My Signature 5-week Programme for moms ready to feel like themselves again. Learn more Back to Me! by @itscharliedadia | Stan

Instagram : Instagram (formerly @charliesparentingpages)

YouTube: Charlie Dadia | Mom Support - YouTube

A new episode is released every Sunday!

Support the show