We found a $40 million cruise ship for sale, and naturally, we’ve decided our listeners should buy it for us. Welcome to the Podcastaways Cruise Line—our entirely imaginary business venture featuring Carnival status matching, a deck full of cats, free-range chickens, and loyalty tiers that somehow involve watching Thomas do laundry. What could possibly go wrong?

Before our business plan sinks, Trevor, Tom, and Jenn debate Carnival’s adults-only sailings. Would you pay extra for a kid-free cruise—and does “adults only” mean Thomas loses access to the banana split?

We also discuss when cruise ships should decorate for Christmas, a Virgin Voyages docking incident, and a Carnival Encounter guest’s allegation of raw chicken and a disputed medical bill. That last story brings back some deeply unappetizing memories from Trevor and Tom’s theme park days.

Plus, Tim checks in from Vietnam aboard Carnival Luminosa, his son negotiates a gold-card upgrade, and we discover Thomas’s surprisingly profitable polka past.

Would you sail with us? And more importantly, do you have $40 million?

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🛳️ Cruise with us on FRGC5—yes, YOU are family!
https://cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5
Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: https://flow.page/haveluggagewilltravel

And, of course: happy birthday, Steven.

Anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube.

It is Steve’s birthday, it is nearly Jen’s birthday, and it is the tenth anniversary of the bachelor party where Trevor met a guy named Ralph in a casino bathroom. It is also the week Jen’s computer decided to overheat, freeze, zoom in to unflattering HD, and restart, which she accepted with more grace than any of this deserved.

Carnival announced that starting December 1st, standalone beverage packages and Wi-Fi plans move to dynamic pricing — prices will vary by sailing length, itinerary, and season, which means the price your friend posted online is not necessarily your price. Announced alongside it: FunPacks, new bundles pitching up to 55% off when you combine drinks and Wi-Fi. The crew called the strategy correctly before anyone read the press release: the standalone prices float, the bundles are the funnel. They also have questions nobody has answered yet, like what happens if the package you booked a year out gets cheaper, and whether individual drink prices are next.

Carnival is also halving its Australian fleet. Carnival Luminosa makes her final Sydney departure March 15th, 2028, and Carnival Adventure follows on the 20th and will not return — reporting points to cost and regulatory uncertainty in the market. Splendor and Encounter stay year-round from Sydney. The crew, having no other suspects, blames Tim.

In the news desk’s weirder half: a man returning to Port Tampa Bay from Cozumel was arrested after 545 pills and roughly $27,000 in cash turned up in his luggage — pills and cash he had voluntarily written down on a customs declaration form. And a 44-year-old passenger who went overboard from Odyssey of the Seas in the Ionian Sea was found alive roughly 20 hours later, spotted by a passing cargo ship because of the flashing light on her life jacket — the one piece of muster-drill equipment nobody pays attention to. She was taken for medical and psychological evaluation.

Plus: the craziest souvenirs they’ve smuggled home, including a stone dagger that doesn’t read as metal; Tim calls in twice, once from the Ocean Plaza with a Bloody Mary and once from the steakhouse with a cowboy ribeye, purely so we’d know; the elusive ship-on-a-stick that none of them have ever won; an elephant sanctuary in Hugo, Oklahoma that will wake you up personally; and Trevor’s confident explanation of which country uses the metric system, which Tom disclaims in real time.

74 days until Jen heads for the Panama Canal.

🌐 cruisepodcastaways.com
🎙️ Leave us a voice message: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways
👥 Join the Facebook group: “The Podcastaways”
🛳️ FRGC5 — Yes, YOU are family. Cults can have families too! → cruisepodcastaways.com/frgc5
📞 Book with Amanda Barmore / Have Luggage Will Travel: booking@hlwtravel.com | (318) 237-0998 | facebook.com/HaveLuggage.WillTravel.LLC

Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Jenn is away, which means Trevor and Thomas have been left unsupervised. Naturally, a conversation about cruise bargains ends with a hypothetical spider rescue mission.

This week, we break down Margaritaville at Sea’s annual cruise pass and its fine print—then ask the big question: would you pay $4,000 for a similar pass from Carnival? It’s our imaginary offer, but the debate is very real.

We also talk Panama Canal sailings, bucket list destinations, and the questionable decisions we’ve made trying to cruise on a budget. Think cheap Galveston motels, exhausting overnight drives, and an alligator sighting Trevor still can’t confirm.

Meanwhile, listener Tim checks in from Tokyo DisneySea, explains why traveling with suitcases has him craving a cruise, and introduces Trevor to an entirely new reason to fear Australia. Steven gets another birthday shout-out, and absent Jenn gets exactly as much sympathy as you’d expect.

Would you buy an annual Carnival cruise pass? Tell us what price—and what restrictions—you could live with!

🎙️ Leave us a voicemail: Speakpipe.com/CarnivalCruisingPodcastaways

🚢 FRGC 4, September 2026, is in the books! Cruise with us on our next adventure—contact Amanda Barmore with Have Luggage Will Travel.

Remember: anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube.