LONESOME FUCKIN DOVE! I FUCKIN LOVE THIS BOOK! YOU SIMPLY WON'T BELIEVE HOW FUCKIN GOOD THIS BOOK IS! IT'S SO FUCKIN LONG, AND YOU'LL WISH IT WERE LONGER. USA TODAY SAYS, "IF YOU ONLY READ ONE WESTERN IN YOUR LIFE, MAKE IT 'LONESOME DOVE.'" YOU SHOULD READ MORE THAN ONE WESTERN IN YOUR LIFE, BUT YOU SHOULD READ "LONESOME DOVE" RIGHT NOW. 100% GUARANTEED TO KILL AS A CONVERSATION TOPIC AT PARTIES OR YOU'RE GOING TO THE WRONG PARTIES.

p.s. find my guest @alexleehare

YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES FEEL SO OUT OF YOUR CONTROL ALL YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN TO THE DEEPEST PARTS OF YOUR CONSCIENCE, WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE VOICE OF GOD, BUT DISCERNING THE GOD-NESS AMONG YOUR OWN INNER BULLSHIT AND THE EXTERNAL CIRCUMSTANCES SEEMS TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE, BUT ALSO ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'RE PUT INTO EXISTENCE TO STRUGGLE WITH? THE MILL ON THE FLOSS! THIS GEORGE ELIOT, SHE'S GONNA BE HUGE.

p.s. find my guest @ohlookitsshelleybrooks

WHAT IF THE LEFT'S BIGGEST PROBLEM IS THAT IT DOESN'T TAKE TREES SERIOUSLY ENOUGH?? LOWKEY I BEEN ON THAT TRIP FOR YEARS, BUT THE BORGES OF ITALY, ITALO CALVINO, BEEN ON IT SINCE THE 1950S. HE TOOK THEM SO SERIOUSLY HE WENT AND LIVED IN THEM FOR AN ENTIRE LIFE, FICTIONALLY. BASICALLY THIS BOOK IS PETER PAN IF J.M. BARRIE WERE AN ITALIAN ANARCHIST WHOSE PARENTS WERE BOTANISTS. WHAT CAN I SAY, IT'S ABOUT A BARON WHO LIVES IN THE TREES.

p.s. find my guest @theamazinglorenzolandini!

FANTASTIC WRITER AND COOL-ASS HUMAN BEING KRISTEN SURYA CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT "TRUST EXERCISE" BY SUSAN CHOI! PEOPLE AT PARTIES ARE LEGIT SICK OF HEARING HER TALK ABOUT IT, BUT WE NEVER ARE!!! THIS ONE'S FOR THE THEATER GIRLIES, A WHOLE NOVEL JUST FOR THOSE OF US WHO'VE BEEN PERSONALLY VICTIMIZED BY THE PERFORMING ARTS (AND BY MANY MEN THEREIN)!!! IT'S ABOUT KIDS AT A PERFORMING ARTS HIGH SCHOOL FALLING IN LOVE AND BEING MANIPULATED BY ADULTS. OR...IT'S ABOUT A WOMAN WRITING A NOVEL ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE BEING A STUDENT AT A PERFORMING ARTS HIGH SCHOOL. OR IT'S ABOUT A DIFFERENT WOMAN WHO DIDN'T WRITE A NOVEL ABOUT HER EXPERIENCES AT A PERFORMING ARTS HIGH SCHOOL AND BEING MANIPULATED BY ADULTS... IT'S ABOUT ALL THIS AND NONE OF THIS!!!

JIM WORMOLD IS A VACUUM CLEANER SALESMAN IN BATISTA-REGIME CUBA WHO DOESN'T SELL A LOT OF VACUUM CLEANERS, WHAT WITH THE IMMINENT REVOLUTION. LUCKILY HE'S MI6'S TOP CHOICE TO BECOME THEIR ON-THE-GROUND INFORMANT OF REBEL DOINGS! UNLUCKILY, HE'S NEVER MET OR SPOKEN TO A CUBAN REVOLUTIONARY IN HIS LIFE. LUCKILY, "TRUTH" ISN'T CRITICAL TO WESTERN HEGEMONIC IMPERIALIST OPERATIONS! UNLUCKILY...MAKING SHIT UP IS STARTING TO GET REAL PEOPLE MURDERED. WHOOPS! WHAT'S A RELUCTANT SPY WITH NO TALENT FOR SPYING OR ANYTHING ELSE SUPPOSED TO DO TO KEEP HIS GOVERNMENT HAPPY???

WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF??? A LOT OF PEOPLE APPARENTLY, BASED ON HOW NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE HAVE READ HER BOOKS! DON'T YOU WANT TO DIVE RIGHT INTO A TIME-TRAVELING GENDER-SWAPPING LOVE LETTER TO A FIGURE SO FULL OF JOIE DE VIVRE THAT ONE BODY AND ERA CANNOT CONTAIN THEM?? (MODERN POP ARTISTS WISH!) IT'S A BANANAS BEAUTIFUL BOOK, AND THIS EP WE HAVE THEEE COOLEST GUEST TO HELP US FIGURE OUT WTF IS GOING ON INSIDE IT: SHELLEY BROOKS!

"TRAVELOGUE, ADVENTURE STORY, ROMANCE, THIS BOOK HAS GOT IT ALL!," A REVIEW BY OUR VERY OWN VEDA! THIS BOOK IS SOOO BEAUTIFUL! IT'S ABOUT 10TH CENTURY PERSIAN POET OMAR KHAYAAM AND HIS REAL LIFE LIVED IN PURSUIT OF DIVINE TRUTH AND BEAUTY (VIZ FALLING IN LOVE, DRINKING WINE, LOOKING AT THE STARS, CONVERSING FOR HOURS WITH A KINDRED SOUL...). IT'S ABOUT ORIENTALISM, IMPERIALISM, AND THE CULTURALLY REACTIONARY GEOPOLITICAL EFFECTS OF WESTERN HEGEMONIC EXPANSION! IT'S ABOUT THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC! IT'S WAY GODDAMN BETTER THAN DUNE! JUST READ IT AND BE CHANGED INSIDE!

HAVE YOU READ THE ONE ABOUT THE 19-YEAR-OLD WHO GETS ABDUCTED AND HAS A BABY BY HER CAPTOR AND RAISES THAT CHILD FOR 5 MORE YEARS IN TOTAL ISOLATION WHILE SHE TRIES TO ESCAPE? IT'S PERFECT FOR PARTIES! WHICH IS *NOT* WHY OUR FIRST-EVER GUEST HAS READ IT LITERALLY THREE HUNDRED TIMES...

P.S. RAMONA'S HEADPHONES DIDN'T WORK, SORRY FOR SOME WEIRD BACKGROUND WHITE NOISE :( I TRIED