I was booking flights and researching points and I was like, I don't want to do this. I just don't want to.

I know I'm very capable of figuring anything out. I've always done it. I don't want to.

So I asked myself, can you imagine if I just asked if someone wants to share their points with me? Wait a second. Danya, I think you're onto something here.

Then I bumped into an architect walking her dogs. Piercing blue eyes. We're talking about the grey coming into Vancouver and she goes, oh man, I wish I could travel. I wish I could do what you do.

Third person that week. Why can't you? Have you asked?

She hadn't.

In this one: what she found out about a colleague at her own firm, and what she's doing when she gets back to the office. The chiropractor who told me you can't have it all, and what I said back in my head. The Facebook memory of me on a pool deck in my Team Canada gear, and the one question that took me off it. And the figure skater at the Olympics who got asked about the pressure and went, what? I don't see it as that.

This is the Fuck Around and Find Out experiment. Tell the truth. Ask for what you want. Find out what happens.

The truth part is where I've been lying to myself, even subtly, and I take such pride in not settling. Someone asks you for plans, it's a lukewarm yes, you don't actually want to go. You say yes anyway. Why?

The ask part is the cringe part. Points. A home base. A director who can put me in a rom-com holiday movie. Why not? Three possibilities. I get it, I get something different, or it's a no. If you don't ask, you get nothing. You just sit with the overthinking.

And I know you've done a fuck ton of work. Stop trying to dig up the roots of everything and go live. You'll see your edges by living, not by digging.

There's the successful prison of being so self-aware you can explain exactly why you're not doing the thing. And the one of always being the reliable one who does everything herself. I've built both.

And at the end, why you have to tear the house down before you can build a bigger one, and the part everyone forgets about the foundation.

Your 100 year old self isn't giving a shit about what you're worrying about right now. Mine's like, babe, do it for the plot.

The Fuck Around and Find Out experiment starts Thursday 1 October. I'm building it live with the people inside it. It's $27 to come in right now and the price doubles as we go. DM or email me FAFO before the price doubles. and doubles. and keeps on doubling. Get in now while it's less than your morning Erewhon smoothie ;)

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Mentioned in the episode:

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© Danya 2026

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