In this episode of The Connection Effect, Bill Groner sits down with philosopher, novelist, and MacArthur Fellow Rebecca Newberger Goldstein, whose new book, The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us, distills over 40 years spent asking people one question: what makes you feel like your life counts?

Rebecca's answer is the "mattering map" — a framework for the different ways we try to earn a sense of mattering, whether through the people in our lives, something transcendent, our own standards of excellence, or how we measure up against others. She brings each type to life with stories that stick, from a man who devoted himself to leprosy patients after one moment of shame, to a poet who spent 20 years perfecting his craft in total secrecy.

This conversation is an invitation to ask yourself: which mattering project is actually running your life — and whether you chose it, or inherited it.

Connect with Rebecca Goldstein

• Website: https://rebeccagoldstein.com/

• Substack: https://rebeccanewbergergoldstein.substack.com/

• Books (The Mattering Instinct, Plato at the Googleplex): https://rebeccagoldstein.com/category/books/

• X (formerly Twitter): https://x.com/platobooktour

Connect with The Connection Effect

• Join the community and conversation on The Connection Effect Substack: connection.net/substack
• Questions? Guest inquiries? Email: podcast@connection.net

Topics of Discussion

00:00 Welcome and guest intro

01:56 Defining mattering

05:24 Mattering map overview

07:54 Socializers explained

11:39 Transcenders and faith

17:24 Heroic strivers and excellence

22:07 Internal vs external validation

25:28 Competitors and zero sum

26:31 Competitor Mindset Costs

28:16 Primary Type Shifts

29:24 Murray McClelland Types

31:13 Bespoke Life Design

33:40 Know Thyself Practice

35:15 Inherited Mattering Scripts

37:37 Hope Through Self Evaluation

40:19 Do Others Matter

44:07 Love And Human Oneness

45:10 Hope For Humanity

48:50 Rumi And Closing Reflections

49:46 Host Outro Takeaways