Over the past few years, how many uncomfortable conversations have you had—or avoided—about politics, religion, social issues, or parenting? These discussions often trigger a visceral response—tension, anxiety, even anger—especially when opposing views emerge. The fear of these conversations escalating into contentious debates can lead to frustration and division, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

In Lose the Debate, Dr. Summer Allen introduces her five-step ACTER model, a research-based framework designed to help you stay calm and open in tough discussions. The ACTER model emphasizes five key skills:

A—Appreciating diverse opinions

C—Curiosity

T—Understanding triggers

E—Emotional regulation

R—Respectful listening

These straightforward steps reduce the stress of courageous conversations, allowing you to understand your conversation partner’s point of view and communicate your own more effectively. Dr. Allen encourages listeners to start small, recognizing that conversations can be unpredictable but manageable.

The book is timely, as ideological tensions are straining relationships and stifling meaningful dialogue. Dr. Allen’s experience and research show that one uncomfortable conversation at a time can help heal divides. Her book provides listeners with the tools and confidence to engage in these discussions, fostering greater self-awareness and understanding.

As the founder of a consulting firm focused on emotional intelligence, Dr. Allen has spent over 15 years training Fortune 500 leaders, entertainers, and politicians on navigating tough conversations. In Lose the Debate: A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence and Successful Dialogue, she shares her expertise on handling complex topics and reaching respectful, productive outcomes.