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Attached
- The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love
- Lu par : Walter Dixon
- Durée : 7 h et 10 min
- Catégories : Santé et bien-être, Psychologie et psychiatrie

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Description
Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.
Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
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Commentaires - Veuillez sélectionner les onglets ci-dessous pour changer la provenance des commentaires.
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Global
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- el
- 01/05/2019
Best relationship book ever
This book will not only tell you how you relate to others but also why it may seem complicated to so many. It will explain how to find the best person for you, why some people keep on chasing the wrong persons. Very simply, but scientifically, it lays out the basic needs every human needs in term of relation and love. I listened to it and will go through it again. I recommend this book to everybody and widh I had read it before.
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Global
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- Laure Merlin
- 02/12/2018
giving peace
truly great book, enlightening, uplifting, research based and practical. gave me peace after being puzzled for months about a relationship.
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Global
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- Brice
- 16/10/2018
life-changing
travail de synthèse important présenté de façon structurée et claire. des concepts simples qu'il est possible de mettre en pratique au quotidien.
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Global
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- Tamara
- 14/09/2017
Do not buy the audible version.
Any additional comments?
This book contains a gazillion quizzes and not
one is included as a PDF. The publisher should be ashamed. Do not waste money on the audible version. Purchase the book. The publisher should make the quizzes available to those who already purchased the audible version.
723 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- Beth Doyle
- 01/01/2012
Need the hardcopy
This is a book with tests and handouts that need to be written in order to use it effectively.
451 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- michael
- 16/11/2011
I was constantly frustrated by family! No longer.
This a very simple book to understand. It is geared towards romantic relationships. The knowledge was easily transferred to understand all my relationships.Most important to me was learning that there are three attachment models. The secure attachment group (50% of people) get along well with the other two groups. Anxious attachment group (25% of people) and Avoidance group (25% of people). The anxious and avoidance group appear to gravitate towards each other. For reasons that are explained in book This usually equals misery for both groups. The anxious group crave intimacy especially when feeling insecure. the avoidance group crave distance and will use deactivating tactics to achieve it. There polar opposite needs in relationships can be utterly frustrating. It is so easy to see the differences now that I have listened to the book!! It almost feels like common sense. Having this new knowledge is allowing me to just walk away from needless frustration. Thank you Amir Levine and Rachel S F Hellar for making this book.
122 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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Global

- Amazon's Best Customer
- 20/01/2011
Love this book
This may be the best audio book I've ever listened to out of hundreds purchased. I've listened to it twice now this week alone. It is scientifically sound and makes reference to studies on nearly every point they make.
One of the great things in this book is that it shows how our current cultures infatuation with the ideal of "independence" is nonsense. We are social animals and depend on our close group of friends, family and of our lover. I've been wondering why I couldn't live up to all the other self help books, "He's Just Not Into You" type.
One of the great concepts I got from this work is how early 20th century notions of child rearing, "let the baby cry and gain independence", still permeate our culture. This book explains that is it perfectly acceptable and reasonable to be dependent on your significant other.
Many tools are given to improving your relationships. Effective communication, assessing your own needs, etc. I can't recommend this work highly enough.
118 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- Matt
- 25/02/2012
Anyone who wants a relationship needs to read this
This book is a life changer. It basically unifies and makes coherent the seemingly random cluster of symptoms that beset a lot of relationships, much to the bewilderment of the participants.
If you want to know why your relationship / your past relationship / other people's relationships are not working, you need to read this book.
Reading this book can be an eerie experience, as you realise that seemingly insignificant or befuddling and previously inexplicable behaviours of yourself or your partner described with unnerving precision, and realise that these behaviours are explained by a coherent theory that offers both an explanation and an indication of what you can do to change your relationship and your life.
Unlike Myers-Briggs personality typing, which seems to ratify every relationship conflict as sourced in differences between divergent by equally 'valid' personality types, this book clearly identifies clusters of behaviours that are conducive to, or conversely anathema to, a successful relationship.
This book will help you identify what you might need to change about yourself, what you might need to convince your partner to try to change about themselves, and people who you need to avoid like the plague. And if your relationship works, it will give you some insight into what you're doing right.
I've already recommended this book or bought it for about 5 people. Read it.
69 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- Walter
- 26/02/2012
Systematization of learning between 25 and 50
On the one hand this is a systematization of what you should know at 50, but probably didn’t know at 25. That said it’s an excellent book for three reasons: 1) If you look around at 50 year olds, surprisingly many of them didn’t learn all that they should have about relationships. 2) The book connects it’s insights to mainstream structures in psychology, specifically the work on attachment theory started by John Bowlby. 3) In this case the systematization seems especially valuable, creating a framework for everyday life that helps sort through much of the relationship drivel flowing from popular culture.
The book argues that attachment is at the core of adult relationships, and that different adults have distinct attachment styles. It further suggests that the analogy between adult attachment styles and the parent/child attachment style is powerful. The book summarizes these two observations by proposing three main styles: 1) avoidant (or perhaps independent), 2) secure (or perhaps altruistic), and 3) worried (or perhaps needy). Compatibility of styles leads to healthy adult attachments.
The book also suggests a hierarchy of adult compatibility: 0) passion (compatibility at this level tend to be a symptom of deeper things, mattering only in the extreme, e.g., sexual orientation), 1) logistics (compatibility at this level matters, but can typically be negotiated), 2) values (compatibility at this level is pretty core and incompatibilities here are dangerous), 3) intimacy (incompatibilities at this level probably have to be resolved for the relationship to survive).
I thought about picking this as my book of the year for 2012. I wonder if I’ll regret not doing so. Give a copy to a 25 year old; I did. It might shorten their learning process by 20 years.
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- LAURA
- 04/11/2017
OK if you're dating,. Not neutral in approach.
I purchased this book in hopes of having an introduction to the issue of attachment in relationships. I found that the author's target audience is dating individuals. I am married. Many of his references and recommendations are for those dating and desiring finding a long-term relationship.
As it relates to the three attachment styles, I found that the author does a diservice by not explaining that there is varying degrees of attachment issues and all can not be pigeon-holed. He also presents the atrachment styles as is negatively skewed against the avoidant attachment, making many references of warning to steer clear of those individuals with avoidant attachment styles.
11 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- Cindy Crain - ISS Dept.
- 26/02/2011
Profound Insight to Relationship Roller Coasters
Of dozens and dozens of self help, relationship and social psychology books and articles, adult attachment theory presents a very clear and recognizable picture of self and significant others.
This book could be "tough" to listen to, but necessary to grow, learn, and face the challenges of need, want, intimacy and love.
I listened to Sex at Dawn before this...and it actually was a good background for understanding human need and our species evolution .... We are hard wired for interdependence.
33 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- Keren
- 28/04/2011
A breath of fresh air
This is the best books on relationships I have ever read. It's not someone's opinion or take on life, it's based on extensive scientific research that gives great validity to the theory. Whenever I read a book that's basically someone's opinion, like "He's not that into you", that's fine and interesting, but really, who's he to say. What makes him an expert? The people that wrote this have empirical data to support their claims and it FITS. It helps me explain my relationship with my ex and why it didn't work, and how, as an anxious type I confuse drama with love. It also explains why I was getting so physically sick during my relationship with my ex, because our significant others, really do effect us physically on a cell level if we are not getting what we need in the relationship. If you are trying to understand relationships with significant others, dating or getting over a breakup - get this book. If you're dating, it'll help explain when to run and when to give another chance. Best credit you'll ever spend.
48 personnes ont trouvé cela utile
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- Paul
- 21/06/2011
Incredible insight
This book determines the root causes of issues in relationships and provides constructive suggestions for improving one's approach to romantic relationships. I find this book to be one of the most influential books I've ever read on this subject.
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- SE7EN11
- 30/03/2016
best attachment examples
great complete book on attachment styles with lots of examples, very insightful and even thrilling sometimes despite the scientific nature if the content
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- Immanuela
- 22/12/2015
scientific facts about bonding
liked the narrator,
lots of interesting studies
and came to the conclusion that they should include that into curriculum at schools because sex ed has been included for the real physiological problems that can arise from a lack of knowledge- so it should be a standard that people learn about the real physiological effects of two attachment types clashing- it is a real healt issue and pretty easy to be understood and therefore avoided.
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- Anna
- 10/05/2015
For all who are suffering from bad relationships
just the best and eyeopening book I ever read on the issue. it saved my relationship and thought me to be self aware and how to effectively communicate my needs. is a big must for all who feel insecure easily in a relationship
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