Attached

Do not buy the audible version.

Any additional comments?

This book contains a gazillion quizzes and not
one is included as a PDF. The publisher should be ashamed. Do not waste money on the audible version. Purchase the book. The publisher should make the quizzes available to those who already purchased the audible version.

673 sur 681 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

Need the hardcopy

This is a book with tests and handouts that need to be written in order to use it effectively.

430 sur 439 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

I was constantly frustrated by family! No longer.

This a very simple book to understand. It is geared towards romantic relationships. The knowledge was easily transferred to understand all my relationships.Most important to me was learning that there are three attachment models. The secure attachment group (50% of people) get along well with the other two groups. Anxious attachment group (25% of people) and Avoidance group (25% of people). The anxious and avoidance group appear to gravitate towards each other. For reasons that are explained in book This usually equals misery for both groups. The anxious group crave intimacy especially when feeling insecure. the avoidance group crave distance and will use deactivating tactics to achieve it. There polar opposite needs in relationships can be utterly frustrating. It is so easy to see the differences now that I have listened to the book!! It almost feels like common sense. Having this new knowledge is allowing me to just walk away from needless frustration. Thank you Amir Levine and Rachel S F Hellar for making this book.

118 sur 122 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

Love this book

This may be the best audio book I've ever listened to out of hundreds purchased. I've listened to it twice now this week alone. It is scientifically sound and makes reference to studies on nearly every point they make.

One of the great things in this book is that it shows how our current cultures infatuation with the ideal of "independence" is nonsense. We are social animals and depend on our close group of friends, family and of our lover. I've been wondering why I couldn't live up to all the other self help books, "He's Just Not Into You" type.

One of the great concepts I got from this work is how early 20th century notions of child rearing, "let the baby cry and gain independence", still permeate our culture. This book explains that is it perfectly acceptable and reasonable to be dependent on your significant other.

Many tools are given to improving your relationships. Effective communication, assessing your own needs, etc. I can't recommend this work highly enough.

113 sur 117 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

Anyone who wants a relationship needs to read this

This book is a life changer. It basically unifies and makes coherent the seemingly random cluster of symptoms that beset a lot of relationships, much to the bewilderment of the participants.

If you want to know why your relationship / your past relationship / other people's relationships are not working, you need to read this book.

Reading this book can be an eerie experience, as you realise that seemingly insignificant or befuddling and previously inexplicable behaviours of yourself or your partner described with unnerving precision, and realise that these behaviours are explained by a coherent theory that offers both an explanation and an indication of what you can do to change your relationship and your life.

Unlike Myers-Briggs personality typing, which seems to ratify every relationship conflict as sourced in differences between divergent by equally 'valid' personality types, this book clearly identifies clusters of behaviours that are conducive to, or conversely anathema to, a successful relationship.

This book will help you identify what you might need to change about yourself, what you might need to convince your partner to try to change about themselves, and people who you need to avoid like the plague. And if your relationship works, it will give you some insight into what you're doing right.

I've already recommended this book or bought it for about 5 people. Read it.

64 sur 66 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

Systematization of learning between 25 and 50

On the one hand this is a systematization of what you should know at 50, but probably didn’t know at 25. That said it’s an excellent book for three reasons: 1) If you look around at 50 year olds, surprisingly many of them didn’t learn all that they should have about relationships. 2) The book connects it’s insights to mainstream structures in psychology, specifically the work on attachment theory started by John Bowlby. 3) In this case the systematization seems especially valuable, creating a framework for everyday life that helps sort through much of the relationship drivel flowing from popular culture.

The book argues that attachment is at the core of adult relationships, and that different adults have distinct attachment styles. It further suggests that the analogy between adult attachment styles and the parent/child attachment style is powerful. The book summarizes these two observations by proposing three main styles: 1) avoidant (or perhaps independent), 2) secure (or perhaps altruistic), and 3) worried (or perhaps needy). Compatibility of styles leads to healthy adult attachments.

The book also suggests a hierarchy of adult compatibility: 0) passion (compatibility at this level tend to be a symptom of deeper things, mattering only in the extreme, e.g., sexual orientation), 1) logistics (compatibility at this level matters, but can typically be negotiated), 2) values (compatibility at this level is pretty core and incompatibilities here are dangerous), 3) intimacy (incompatibilities at this level probably have to be resolved for the relationship to survive).

I thought about picking this as my book of the year for 2012. I wonder if I’ll regret not doing so. Give a copy to a 25 year old; I did. It might shorten their learning process by 20 years.

66 sur 70 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

Simplistic, biased, and, frankly, offensive

What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?

Nothing about this book would make it a positive experience. This is an unethical misapplication of psychological science.

What was most disappointing about Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller ’s story?

The authors presented simplistic material on attachment that people can read in any Intro to Psych or Personality Psych textbook. Much of the book was material borrowed from questionnaires that are freely available online. The authors were also extremely biased, creating the impression that anxious attachment is wonderful and easy to fix by showering the anxious person with love, whereas people with avoidant attachment are horrible and to be avoided (no pun here) by everyone at all cost. This is rudely dismissive to 25% of the population. There were intellectual problems with this book, also, as the authors repeatedly claimed that attachment styles are malleable or plastic, yet their advice was largely based on "love the anxious, avoid the avoidant." Extremely disappointing.

What did you like about the performance? What did you dislike?

The performance was acceptable.

What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?

Disgust with the disingenuous hidden agenda of the authors. Either these authors are desperately anxiously attached people who are verbally pleasuring themselves by glorifying anxious attachment and dissing avoidant people, or they are shrewd manipulators who know that anxious people are likely to purchase relationship advice books, so they are peddling to them in manipulative ways.

Any additional comments?

Do not spend money on this book. You are better off reading a chapter on attachment in any psychology book at your library.

9 sur 9 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

OK if you're dating,. Not neutral in approach.

I purchased this book in hopes of having an introduction to the issue of attachment in relationships. I found that the author's target audience is dating individuals. I am married. Many of his references and recommendations are for those dating and desiring finding a long-term relationship.
As it relates to the three attachment styles, I found that the author does a diservice by not explaining that there is varying degrees of attachment issues and all can not be pigeon-holed. He also presents the atrachment styles as is negatively skewed against the avoidant attachment, making many references of warning to steer clear of those individuals with avoidant attachment styles.

8 sur 8 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

Profound Insight to Relationship Roller Coasters

Of dozens and dozens of self help, relationship and social psychology books and articles, adult attachment theory presents a very clear and recognizable picture of self and significant others.

This book could be "tough" to listen to, but necessary to grow, learn, and face the challenges of need, want, intimacy and love.

I listened to Sex at Dawn before this...and it actually was a good background for understanding human need and our species evolution .... We are hard wired for interdependence.

32 sur 35 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.

A breath of fresh air

This is the best books on relationships I have ever read. It's not someone's opinion or take on life, it's based on extensive scientific research that gives great validity to the theory. Whenever I read a book that's basically someone's opinion, like "He's not that into you", that's fine and interesting, but really, who's he to say. What makes him an expert? The people that wrote this have empirical data to support their claims and it FITS. It helps me explain my relationship with my ex and why it didn't work, and how, as an anxious type I confuse drama with love. It also explains why I was getting so physically sick during my relationship with my ex, because our significant others, really do effect us physically on a cell level if we are not getting what we need in the relationship. If you are trying to understand relationships with significant others, dating or getting over a breakup - get this book. If you're dating, it'll help explain when to run and when to give another chance. Best credit you'll ever spend.

47 sur 52 personne(s) ont trouvé cet avis utile.