Cover of The Velvet Rage

The Velvet Rage

Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World

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The Velvet Rage

By: Alan Downs
Narrated by: Alan Downs
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The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out,” but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger—a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.

Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.(P)2012 Highbridge Audio Gender Studies Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Social Sciences
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the book covers a lot of basics of psychological well being and applies the ideas to gay shame. the author is one of the few people out there paying attention to this destructive force, and he has some interesting insights. on the con side, it got really hard to pay attention to his stories about his friends considering how priveliged they all are, and just how much the author believes they're representative of gays in general. it's like "i was having dinner at a three star restaurant in Napa valley, when I noticed that my companions were the owner of a vineyard, an astronaut/neurosurgeon, and a wealthy banker. we talked about our friend, who left his job as a corporate lawyer to teach elementary school, really giving up on having a sustainable income to follow his passion" when in my world I just want my gay friends to find someone who will pay them money at all. also the author is really big on cheating being bad, when I don't think I've met more than 2 or 3 gay couples who were exclusive (the author says that open relationships are a sign of pessimism brought on by gay shame... i just thought we were horny and more open minded than others). that all said, for most people there will be a benefit to listening to this.

good insights, not really my culture...

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