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The Apology That Was Never Yours is the seventh Sourel in October’s theme, What Was Never Yours.

This episode turns gently towards the apology a woman may have carried for simply existing. The apology in her voice before she has even spoken. The apology in the body before she has taken up space. The apology that says, I am sorry for needing. I am sorry for feeling. I am sorry for asking. I am sorry for being here.

The Apology That Was Never Yours explores the difference between apologies that repair and apologies that come from shame. Some apologies are sacred. They honour impact and help love become clean again. But some apologies are not repair. Some apologies are shame wearing polite clothing.

This Sourel is for the woman who learned to apologise when others were uncomfortable, when she had a boundary, when she was tired, when she could not give more, when she told the truth, or when someone else was disappointed.

It gently asks what the apologising part may be afraid would happen if she did not say sorry. Would someone be angry? Would they withdraw? Would they think she was selfish? Would they stop loving her? Would she become too difficult to keep?

This reflection offers another possibility. Not, I am sorry for needing, but I am allowed to have a need. Not, I am sorry for speaking, but my voice is allowed to take up space. Not, I am sorry I cannot carry everything, but I am allowed to have limits.

The Apology That Was Never Yours reminds us that not every sorry is repair. Sometimes it is self abandonment.

You do not need to apologise for your breath, your truth, your tenderness, your boundaries, your pace, your light, your no, your yes, your need for rest, or your longing to be met.

The apology that was never yours can begin to lay itself down.

And beneath it, there may be a woman remembering: I am here. I am allowed. I do not have to apologise for being.

If you find yourself wanting something to return to between these reflections, in the actual moment a pattern like this one takes hold, I also built an app called Settle and Source. It offers a ninety second guided practice for exactly the kind of moment this reflection has been describing, the gap between noticing an urge and knowing what to do with it. It is not a replacement for anything here, simply another door, in case it is the right one for you. https://settleandsource.com

Settle and Source: The Podcast is created by Angela M. Carter, founder of Trauma Release Centre and a trained IFS therapist with over thirty years of clinical experience.

Each episode is a Sourel: a short voiced reflection set to sound. Designed for the small pauses of a full life.

Find Angela and more of her work at www.traumareleasecentre.com.

If today’s reflection landed for you, share it with someone who needs it. That’s how a quiet message travels in a loud world.

Settle and Source: The Podcast is created by Angela M. Carter, founder of Trauma Release Centre and a trained IFS therapist with over thirty years of clinical experience.

Each episode is a Sourel: a short voiced reflection set to sound. Designed for the small pauses of a full life.

Find Angela and more of her work at www.traumareleasecentre.com.

If today’s reflection landed for you, share it with someone who needs it. That’s how a quiet message travels in a loud world.