He calls her "retired" because she stays home with the kids. He sat in the car through the last hour of a kid's birthday party, then honked when he wanted to go. And every night, her best friend gets the voice memos.

This week's story comes from the friend. They've been close since college. She can't stand the husband, and her best friend keeps saying she's done with him, then posts an anniversary photo about how lucky she is. Now the friend's own kids don't want to go over there, and she's run out of things to say.

Dr. Brittany Woolford and Dr. Mallaree Blake get into why "stay together for the kids" might be the wrong call, why cruelty mixed with affection is so hard to walk away from, and the one sentence to use the next time he puts her down in front of you. Plus whether you can tell a friend you're done hearing about her husband, how to bring up what your kids are seeing, and why you can go to therapy with your best friend.

Before the story: the difference between regret and remorse after an affair, and a famous statistic about relationships that start as affairs that turns out to have no study behind it.

If you've ever been the friend on the other end of those voice memos, this one's for you.

Have a story you can't tell your friends? Share it anonymously through this form or head to our Instagram bio (@ismyrelationshipnormal). We'll clean it up, so you can just get it out.

We're licensed psychologists, but this podcast isn't therapy, and we never use real client stories. If you or someone you love is in danger, call 911, or reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (thehotline.org).

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

William M. Bumberry, PhD, Healing the Trauma of Infidelity: Powerful Skills for Rebuilding Trust and Attachment to Find Love, Commitment, and Intimacy Again (New Harbinger, 2025). ISBN 9781648485725.

Hall, J. A. (2019). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. About 50 hours to a casual friend, 90 to a friend, and more than 200 to a close friend.

https://news.ku.edu/2018/03/06/study-reveals-number-hours-it-takes-make-friend

Holt-Lunstad, Uchino, Smith, Cerny & Nealey-Moore (2003). Health Psychology. People who wore blood pressure monitors for three days had higher readings around friends they felt mixed about than around people they simply disliked.

https://news.byu.edu/news/nuances-interpersonal-relationships-influence-our-health-new-study-shows

Second Saturday divorce workshops from WIFE.org, for anyone considering, going through or finished with a divorce. And Leslie Garske of Garske Divorce Mediation, the Denver-area mediator Mallaree mentions.

https://www.secondsaturday.com