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This is a raw and honest memoir about being devastated by postpartum psychosis and coming through the other side.

Laura Dockrill had an idyllic pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet her new baby. But as she went into labour things began to go wrong, and Laura started to struggle. A traumatic birth, anxiety about the baby, sleep deprivation, a slow recovery - all these things piled up until Laura (like any new mum) felt overwhelmed. 

As many as 8 out of 10 new mums struggle in the weeks after birth. In Laura's case these feelings escalated scarily quickly into postpartum psychosis. She became paranoid and delusional and had to be institutionalised for a fortnight without her baby. Throughout this time she was haunted by a sense of 'What have I done?', at first as she wondered if she could cope with her baby and later because she was trying to grasp at reality as she slipped into nightmarish delusion. 

Laura's experience was devastating, but this is a hopeful book. Not only has Laura slowly recovered, she has come out the other side stronger and more assured about parenting on her own terms. Now she is determined to break the silence around postnatal mental health and with her story tell new parents: you are not alone. 

One of Stylist's best nonfiction books for 2020 and Evening Standard's best books to look forward to in 2020.