It’s all fun and games until someone throws a dirty jumper rollup and you lose out in the Cornhole tournament of life.

According to Baba Yoscarybutt, it’s time for me to witch up or step back down into the Cornholio minor leagues. While Cornhole is definitely not my beanbag, I can’t stand to lose.

I don’t want to be the next Baba Yaga. I’m doing just peachy as the Shifter Wanker who heals the clumsy idiots of Assjacket, West Virginia. I love my life. My werewolf mate is hotter than asphalt in August, my twins are adorable, my dad and brother rock, and I have real friends for the first time in my life.

However, when my evil nemesis, Medusa Jones, steps up to throw a floppy bag and steal the title of Future Baba Yaga from me, all bets are off.

I will challenge the nasty piece of work to win back the job I didn’t want in the first place.

With Sassy and Fuc*ing Derrick by my side, I will finally own my destiny. Of course, Fuc*ing Derrick is prone to meltdowns and Sassy is trying to learn Canadian, but one deals with the floppy bags they’ve been dealt and tosses them anyway.

It will be dangerous.

It will be cornfusing.

It will be fashionably disastrous.

It will be televised on the magical Charm Channel.

Whatever. A few four baggers, a couple of woodies, a Bigfoot and spell or two should do the trick.

The future of the magical Universe is on the line and I’m the only one who can save us.

May the Goddess help us all.